I posted a few weeks ago that my Mum had been taken into hospital and my Dad admitted he could no longer cope caring for her and got some great advice on the best way of going about telling Mum what would be happening.
Mum has since been discharged to a care home for assessment and until today has been in quarantine. She had her Pathway 3 assessment on Monday with the social worker, and the care home but due to a mix up both myself and my Dad’s attendance was accidentally cancelled by the social worker so we thought the meeting wasn’t going ahead, however both myself and my Dad were called afterwards with the result of the meeting. Mum has been recommended for residential care as given her balance/mobility problems coupled with some cognitive impairment (not dementia), this is what is best for her. Just to add she has had 4 falls while at the care home and was taken to hospital yesterday to be checked over as a precaution.
The social worker asked about Mum’s money. We’ve calculated she has just about £30k altogether so understand she would need to self fund to begin with, but as this will run out quite quickly the social worker is checking with the LA to help us find homes they will fund rather than having to find somewhere else or struggle to find additional funds. We’ve been given details of a couple of homes which I’ve checked on carehome.co.uk and looked at the CQC reports etc. This feels like the right sort of thing to do and once we get a list from the LA we’ll be able to call and have a chat to get a feel as obviously, at present, you can’t go and look around.
Dad was quite on board with this as was my sister who also had a look at the care home details online (she lives 300 miles from us so isn’t able to assist a great deal but is very supportive) the problem is my brother who, when Dad mentioned the 2 homes we’d heard about, said they’re both “rubbish”. This is based on something he heard from someone he knows. Dad is now a bit downhearted when this is already a sad time for him as Mum and Dad have been together for 64 years and is questioning whether he is doing the right thing. Unfortunately, my brother has little empathy and doesn’t want to be involved (and we have tried, as have his daughters but no joy), lives closest yet visits rarely, as hes always “got a lot on” or “too busy” but always has an opinion. He does come round and tidy the garden but Dad has to pay him.
This is such a hard time and all I want is what is best for Mum’s needs and I thought that reading info on here and Age UK, checking and looking up the details of homes online and reading what other people’s experiences of care homes are was for the best. Am I doing the right thing?