My son who has mental health problems and is under the mental health team, has estranged me since his mental health assessment ( I let them into the house, as I am his landlady as well as his mother) I didn’t call for the assessment, his support worker did. They did not section him, and since then he has deteriorated further. He is an adult and has never consented for me to know about his mental health, but I know they now suspect he has autism and is schizophrenic and has gender dysphoria . He has blocked me on his mobile phone, even though I’m paying for the contact, will not respond to my emails.
I am his landlady so arranged for annual gas boiler inspection, he wouldn’t let him in said the kitchen was borderline health hazard. So within my rights, I sent registered letter saying I was coming to inspect the property, arrived on arrange day and time. He argued with me but eventually got him to open the door. I found him very agitated and abusive , the house was in disarray, bins overflowing, dirty dishes everywhere, and he tells me he has fallen out with mental health team, as due to his delusions and has got so angry he has taken a hammer to the walls and door frames and smashed them. He hates me and was agitated and I was so shocked, that I left and just said I would be coming back soon.
I don’t want to evict him, but don’t think he is capable of living there on his own, and the mental health team, don’t seem to want to section him, and he doesn’t want to have anything to do with any of his family. Don’t know what to do or which way to turn, I am now under the mental health team but in a different area now because of all this!.
Welcome @Rainyday
It is very moving to hear your experience.
I have a daughter with the same problems, she is regularly influenced by the schizophrenia to estrange her family and in the past the mental health team.
Some ways I have acted in her best interests-
I would at times ask the police to do a welfare check and request they section her if possible. They have escorted her to hospital.
Is your son on tablets if so he may need injections as the tablets if not taken regularly stop working.
Your options can feel limited, I know.
Calling 999 can feel an over reaction but can be needed. Especially if your son might be violent to himself or others.
Next contact his team, let them know what’s happening I have been doing this for ten years, I explain I understand they cannot share with me but I need to share with them my concerns.
I also contact 111, this is useful as it goes on your son’s record and is a fresh person each time and they can instigate a section and do a welfare check. Basically, I write letters and make calls endlessly to log the concerns- I write/ share the physical risks e.g. dehydration and the psychological risks,
I visit my daughter and take food parcels, and respond to requests for practical help. Your son may need urgent hospital admission but may with medication and support team gradually get a bit better.
I feel for you as your son and my daughter are v similar and it is a very hard thing to bear. I listen to Pema Chodron to help me cope and Eckhart Tolle.
Thinking of you, if your unsure what to do, over all 111 mental health support is often my go to,
Warmly Ula
Oh yes, the pattern of being estranged is familiar to me,
About once or twice a year she tells the team they cannot share with us, her family, we carry on sharing and just accept the medical cannot share with us,
Keep safe
Ula
Thank you for your replies, he is not medicated and refuses medication, will ring 111 today and try and get in touch with his team.
@Rainyday, welcome to the forum. From reading what you are saying, I would suggest that you speak to the mental health team and try to get them to visit him. If he is under someone like a social worker then the 111 service for mental health then they will not help as they did that to me when phoned to ask for help/advice as I couldn’t get hold of out of hours mental health team. When you speak to the police about him, explain the situation and say it is a safeguarding issue as then they will make sure mental health does something.
Good luck rainyday thinking of you.
Rethink mental illness also v good at advising.
Join us folk on Roll call if you have time,
Warmly Ula
Oh yes
When I call mental health team,
They don’t have a number so I call the main number and leave a message on the patient only messages explaining I am a relative with concerns, I call main switchboard for hospital where team based and ask for number, I write and drop of letter at reception.
I ask GP how to message mental health team,
In my area it is not easy for relatives to contact teams so I have found all these ways.
Tips from Ula
Thank you so much for your advice and kindness, it’s good to know I’m not the only one experiencing these difficulties.
🪻:hibiscus: bunches of flowers for you, Ula
Oh the flower picture didn’t quite work, hugs Ula
Have been in touch with his mental health team, hopefully they were trying a different team to make contact with him today, I am waiting for an update as to how successful they have been.
How long has your daughter lived independently?, must be such a worry to you all, my son will not have any contact with his father or sister, I was the only one he would speak to and trust, but unfortunately since last assessment, he has estranged me and hasn’t spoken to me blocked me on his mobile which I am paying for, and only let me in as his landlady, and using my rights to do an inspection. Was nice to actually see him, but was quite abusive and hateful, just doesn’t want anything to do with me, I will try going back to see him at the end of the week if the mental health team haven’t done anything or made any headway with him. Is so nice to know I’m not the only one going through this.
Hi
My daughter has lived in and out of hospital and independently for 10 years. I would like her with us but she is very independent.
I went after work and helped her for 3 hours yesterday.
The medication is key, perhaps with regular injections your son will accept more help,
I am so pleased you have been able to get him help
Warmly Ula
Please don’t feel alone,
There may be a in person or on line support group for people caring for someone with a mental illness, carers uk have local groups, I joined an online one last month but it has taken me 10 years to get round to it,
I am lucky I have my partner to share caring with,
Our daughter also seems to use alcohol and I think at times cannabis which is devastating for her mental health,
I just keep trying with love as best I can hopefully her self love will build and she will have less harsh voices,
Off to work soon,
Hugs good luck for your day
Ula
Hello Rainyday
No pressure to reply.
Thinking of you and sending strength and hope you ok.
Take care Ula
Thank you for your support, feeling very low, and sad today, wishing thing’s were different, but the reality is hard to live with and accept. I know I’m not the only mother going through this and that’s a comfort to know.
Oh bless you Rainyday
It is such a hard thing to bear,
Psychosis robs individuals and families of so much,
It is heartbreaking,
your not alone,
But sorry if you feel lonely
Warmly Ula