ADHD ASD PDA parent support needed

Hello I’m Rachel and I’m looking for other parents who have a child with ADHD ASD and PDA I’m waiting to hear about my 8 year old sons assessment and it can’t come soon enough I feel at my whits end with him he walks in the room and I want to run from him. I feel like I don’t like him lately I love him more than words can say I just can’t seem to like him at the moment I’m looking in my area for parenting courses which is proving difficult because me and his Dad have no idea what we’re doing with him I feel he may have all three of above diagnoses from how he behaves and feel surely I can’t be the only one starting to resent other parents whose kids are perfect and just want to spend a day not trying to fix his problems for my own sake I have a 1 year old whose not getting the attention needed from me as when my other sons at school I’m mentally exhausted I cry a lot out of frustration and if he was my husband I’d have divorced him years ago for how he treats me but I can’t he’s my son and I have to help him for all of our sakes sorry for the essay I’m just lost and want to know where I can get help managing my life with a child with ADHD ASD and PDA ps the school are crap for help but that’s only because no teacher seems to be qualified in dealing with such things

Hi Rachel, welcome to the forum.

My son, now 40, was brain damaged at birth, can’t read, write, or do any maths. I had a 4 year battle with Education. They recommended one horrible school on their statement.
I told them I wouldn’t sign it even if hell froze over.
You have to.
Well I won’t!

Are you in touch with IPSEA?
Their supportive help was invaluable.

Does your son have a statement?
What sort of school does he attend, mainstream or special?
Have you asked Social Services for a Needs Assessment?
Have you asked Social Services for a Carers Assessment for you?
What benefits are you receiving for him?
Have you heard of The Family Fund?

I appealed all the way to the Secretary of State, who told the council that they must pay for a place at the Sheiling School in Ringwood, Hampshire. It’s a “Camphill School”.

Also in our area there are some specialist schools run by the Hesley Group.

Feel free to ask me whatever you want.

Hi Rachel.
Welcome to the forum; that is an incredibly difficult combination of symptoms to deal with. No wonder you are struggling.

I have a friend ( not on this forum,) with a primary age boy going through the same thing. She and I suspect PDA, but currently he has been diagnosed with ADHD and now they are screening for ASD. She is also an amazing SEN teacher and she is finding life with her son difficult too. Anyone would.

It is unlikely that a mainstream teacher will already have all the skills required to support him BUT they can learn them. Is your son supported by an autism team from your area? They need to be training the staff and recommending them courses. Use parent power to push for this - local parent support group/ IPSEA as recommended by BB.

Firstly, push to try ADHD medication ( please note, I’m a parent/ carer of someone with special needs and an SEN teacher and rarely promote use of meds.) The reason I’m saying this is because until he can focus (and he really can’t help that he can’t,) he will be unable to engage with strategies that will help the ASD and PDA symptoms.

Next, you need a Cygnet course, the professional’s diagnosing your son should be able to provide details, if not contact The National Autistic Society or social services disabled childrens team/ department.

Implement these strategies. Some will work, some won’t (especially if he does have PDA.))

Finally (leave this strategy to last,) I doubt you’ll find a course on PDA for parents yet, as it’s only been recognised as a condition in its own right, in the last few years. Books are being published however, so I’d take a look at those.

There is also a book called: The Explosive Child: A New Approach for Understanding and Parenting Easily Frustrated, Chronically Inflexible Children by Ross W. Greene PhD (Author)
It’s American and quite annoying to read(!) but the principles are sound, particularly for those with PDA and other complex disorders, so worth taking a look at it.

Keep reminding yourself , he really can’t help but let that be an excuse for dangerous or aggressive behaviour. Pick your battles wisely and be in agreement with his Dad, which one behaviour you will tackle at a time.

Life will improve!