I’m new here and need some advice after a disastrous phone call to social services. I’ll apologise in advance as this is going to be long.
My Granddad is 93 years old, he’s lived alone in his own home for just over 7 years since my Gran passed away. My Gran was considered as his carer from early on as he was considered severely disabled because (I think) of having a frontal lobe lobotomy sometime before he met and married my Gran. I’m not sure of an official diagnosis as my grandparents were always fiercely protective of matters they consider private.
But I do know from conversations with my dad when he was alive, that my Granddad was in and out of mental institutions all of his childhood and at one point my Gran was advised to put him in a home/institute for good, only she declined as she was housebound from a bad back injury so relied on him to do shopping, pay the bills etc.
He is very fit and healthy for his age and is able to still go out and do his own shopping, maybe a little slower than he once did but nevertheless he can still do it, he is capable of making meals and self care and in a lot of ways is very independent.
Where things are not right and causing issues for people’s around him:
Before my Gran died she was suffering with dementia and through a befriending service she met a lovely lady (and her husband) that were so taken with her they started to help out in more and more ways, first trips out, then with personal care, making Sunday roasts, odd jobs in the house, cleaning. After my Gran died the couple carried on doing some of the things for my Granddad, but as he got older he became more and more demanding of them. They are both pensioners too and have health problems of their own to deal with so tried to gradually take a step back to eventually giving up, or at least trying to he always tried to and usually succeeds in getting them to do something for him.
Now their circumstances are really bad and they want nothing to do with him. Only he won’t accept they can’t do things and is harassing the lady. And it is harassment, he rings them constantly she counted 23 times over a weekend and he doesn’t just ring and get no answer he will let it ring constantly for 15 minutes or more in the hope of getting an answer (can be anywhere between 730am and past 10pm) they have blocked his number but because of the panic/assist button they have and it being linked to the phone that rings and no way of stopping it. I suggested changing their number but that isn’t an option as there are so many specialists and other services they’d need to update details with. He also goes to their house and will bang on their front door until they answer that.
My sister took over from the couple 2 years ago (that long ago and he still doesn’t leave them be) she’d make meals and do cleaning. My Granddad likes routine and liked his cleaning done Mon, Weds, Fri at 11am and his washing was taken away to be washed dried and delivered back by my sister. Meals as he didn’t want to cook for himself all the time had to be delivered by 345pm Tue, Thur, Sat (the couple mentioned above carried on making a Sunday dinner for him also delivery by 345) then your appointment for visiting him was 1230 on a Sunday.
He basically wants total control over everything and is unwilling to budge on anything. Meals made by my sister were never good enough, he’d follow her round when cleaning say she wasn’t doing things right, accuse her of stealing/moving things.
My lovely sister can’t deal with him anymore, she has a business to run that she recently set up, her husband who isn’t in the best of health has been taking over more and more of his demands which is making his health worse and in turn affecting her mental health.
Social services told me because he has capacity they can’t do anything without his permission/agreement and even then as he is able to do things they won’t intervene. He is literally ruining the lives of the couple that dedicated their free time to help out when my gran was alive.
He won’t agree for strangers to help him, it has to be my sister/brother in law (I live 2 hours away) or the lady that wants nothing to do with him.
If social services won’t do anything where/who do we turn to?