Hello looking for advice really and what people may have done with similar experience’s.
My 90 year old mother lives on her own is paranoid and delusional and very, very frail. She has had a number of falls in the last five years and in the last 6 month’s her mental health has really deteriorated dramatically.
I have been trying to involve social workers and persuade her to consider a care home for years. Also to give up / downgrade the 3 Bedroom Council House she lives in, as an aside it has a massive garden and property which a young family would really benefit from in these desperate times.
Anyway my nagging has contributed to mum cutting me out completely from any health discussions and she has actively told her GP and any doctor when she is frequently admitted to hospital to only talk to my sister as next of Kin and not share any information with me.
My sister is the problem, she pretends to be my mum’s full time carer and says she stays at her house 3 or 4 nights a week but the reality is she might pop in for an hour or so in the day time 3 or 4 times a week. Her justification is that it is mum’s wishes to die at home and she promised her that she would never put her in a care home. She lives 30 minutes away and I live around 4 hours by car but on the 7/8 occasions she has had a fall or a serious mental episode ( voices telling her to kill herself and others) and an ambulance has had to be called, I have had to coordinate it and physically turn up to force her into the ambulance as my sister will say it is not what mum wants. It isn’t an exaggeration to say that in her mind ( and my mums) her dying in agony at the bottom of the stairs ( in her own home being the constant justification) is seen as preferable a period in hospital or the Care Home which she really needs.
Three years ago when she broke her hip was the last time I had any meaningful dialogue with my mum re her medical condition. Mentally she was strong and I tried to accommodate her wishes and said I would support her return home if she agreed to having carers attend every day and put a key box outside her front door, rehab, modifications to house i.e extra banisters on the stairs and doorways made wider for her Frame etc. I even managed to negotiate an electric hospital bed being put in her front room ( which she still has today!) so she didn’t have to go up and down the stairs ( downstairs toilet). However as soon as she got out, she locked the door and my sister removed the key box and she said her daughter and she refused to let anyone in. 3 years later we are still at that stage.
She was in hospital for nearly 4 weeks until last Thursday because she was hearing voices telling her to herm herself and seeing ghosts and thinking there was water and mud everywhere. She was under one to one supervision but last Thursday she discharged herself because again my sister said she was her home carer…when she isn’t.
Everyday I was getting phone calls throughout the night that someone was in the house and people will listening in and trying to kill her. this culminated with her yesterday standing out in the street and waiting to die because someone was in her house, screaming the place down. She called me at work and I called an ambulance as did multiple neighbours.
I found out this morning that she has been discharged again and sent home…I really don’t know what to do.
I would appreciate any advice as I am at my wits end. Thank you