Hey there!
I’m new here, so there’s a chance I won’t have posted this correctly… sorry if that is the case.
My partner and I have been together for two years - when we met she was a prosthetic-using above-knee amputee and has since been transitioning to using a wheelchair full-time.
Looking to connect with people who have/had a similar situation, to share what’s worked best for them in terms of navigating changes in a caring relationship -
Looking forward to hearing from you,
Hi @spencercarer and welcome to the Forum. No problem with your post.
I can’t offer direct support/answers for your question, but wanted to say Hello.
I’m one of the ‘more senior carers’ on here just about to hit 64 and caring for my husband for over three years after a stroke which cascaded into numerous medical issues. What I can offer is comments on how we have grown closer due to his reliance on me and how difficult it is at times - when I lose my rag but still don’t want to hurt him by making comments!
In the last six months his health has deteriorated significantly and he’s had two spells in hospital. The second was very traumatic and I thought he would not last. I spent around 300 hours at his bedside in five weeks and whilst it helped us grow closer, it took it’s toll on my health too. I can’t let on to him what it did to me but he sees it.
I love him deeply and would do anything for him, but he gets humiliated when I have to clean up after him and wipe his bum, even though - mostly - I try to make light of it and joke “Love is…Wiping your Husband’s bum”. I also point out it could be worse - HE could be looking after ME (heaven forbid!!!)
My best advice is to try to always TALK and share how EACH of you feels. Don’t bottle things up or try to hide them, as they will only fester and it gets worse then. The more open you can be about feelings and what the other does which winds you up, the better! Also, and I know this is very difficult depending how reliant the Caree is, try to get time apart to do what YOU like to do and get some time for YOU.
Others will, I am sure, have comments to make in due course. I am just putting in my two penn’orth to get the ball rolling.
Hello from me too. I am the carer of my much older husband he is nearly 86.
I would definitely make sure you are getting the right benefits and support. Do you have a local ‘Support for Carers’? If so might be worth making contact. I cannot easily get to meetings but they do often have telephone befrienders who have often been Carers themselves.
I would agree with Chris make time for YOU. Get your partner used to you going out and leaving her for periods of time. Only way to do this long term is to have interests of your own that you can pursue. Are there any local groups SHE could go to? Maybe see if there any options to build up her social life?
I Chair 2 Book Clubs and am an Admin of a social group. Sadly I had to give up two of my most loved hobbies Cat Showing and Rotary. First because I just dare not leave my husband alone for long periods.
Please remember YOU matter and YOU are a person not ‘just a carer’. TBH the only way to being able to care long term at your age, is to make some life of your own otherwise resentment will fester in the healthiest of relationships.
Finally keep posting. We do have a Roll Call where we share the ups and downs of caring. Some humor creeps in - often black but there is a lot of support. I wish you both every happiness and truly hope that you can build a support system to make life bearable for both of you.
Can I ask why she is now using a wheelchair all the time?
Was the prosthetic leg not a success?