**** hi im new to this group my dad was diagnosed yesterday we have had our concerns for around a year after scans and test it was confirmed he does has dementia. we are knew to this as a family, my dad just turned 75, and im worried for his future. im scared he’s going to forget us . will this happen
I’m sorry to have to tell you that it can happen - there is no rhyme or reason to dementia - there’s no guarantee that he’ll forget who you are, even if he does on one day he may well remember you the next.
Dementia really is a complete lottery in how it affects people - all you can do is to keep in mind that it’s the dementia talking/acting and not who they were.
I had the best mum in law in the world, never a cross word between us. Sadly, she became so confused that she forgot where she was, in the home she had lived in for over 50 years. She forgot that she was married and removed her wedding ring, I felt so sorry for father in law, they had been married for over 60 years. She thought I was her daughter, but she always knew who my husband was. Sometimes her memory was clearer than others, as Ayjay describes.
Enjoy all the good times with your dad, if he says something odd, just think “that’s the dementia talking, not my dad”.
None of us know what life has in store. Dad is paying the price for a long liife.
My lovely husband was only 58 when he died of a massive heart attack.
Dear christine_21061
Hi I wish you a welcome to the Carers Forum. I am very sorry to hear that your dad has dementia and it is true that the symptoms of dementia one of them is that he will become forgetful. I hope that you will find the support you need through this Carers UK Forum with carers who can relate to what you are going through. It is a difficult situation you find yourself in but there is help also especially from this organisation. I hope you find the Forum beneficial and helpful and supportive for you.
You are not alone as a carer in this Forum you will find that many on here will understand exactly how you feel and will offer you support. Caring in itself can be a very lonely job and the pandemic has made caring responsibilities challenging as many carers like you have been socially restricted and unable to attend social groups etc. While at this present moment you might not feel up for socializing it might help meeting like minded carers who can help you and guide you through your dads dementia. Carers UK are running two online weekly meet-ups for carers and you can find the information on how to register at Care For A Cuppa(where you can chat about your dad):-Online meetups | Carers UK. Then there is another social called Share And Learn:-Share and Learn | Carers UK. You can maybe get advice from these groups about how to cope with your dad.
Also at Carers UK there is a telephone number where you can ring up and speak to the people on the other end and they provide information and guidance to unpaid carers. This covers:-
-Benefits And Financial Support
-Your Rights As A Carer In The Workplace
-Carers Assessments And How To Get Support In Your Caring Role
-Services Available To Carers And The People You Care For
-How To Complain Effectively And Challenge Decisions.
I am sure that the Carers UK Forum and Organisation will be beneficial for you.
Best Wishes
Kristie
Hello Christine and welcome to the forum
It is a possibility that your dad will not recognise you in the future. However my lovely husband ( late) had vascular dementia. Amongst all of the heartbreak my family and myself had, he never forgot us. Had lots of confusion and confabulations. I would try not to think too much at the moment about it, and try to treasure any good times you have. Face it if and when it happens.
I understand your fear, because it was ours too.
Have you been in touch with the Alzheimer’s association? They help with all dementia types and can advise you on various things.
Am so sad to read your post
Hi Christine & welcome
One of the best ways to keep Dad’s mind active is to make a memories box. Individuals with dementia can sometimes hang on to their pass. They feel safe in repetition and can know a story in great detail. Put in the box things items that Dad is most interested in. Songs, places, smells and so on. Everything that has significates including hobbies.
Don’t worry about the detail of a story just echo what emotional they felt. Example: Dad do you remember that day at the beach. You said “you loved sitting on the beach with the sand between your toes”.
Music is the number one go to it’s amazing seeing people’s face light up.
As a family you may feel at times bereaved and that feeling is normal. There is a lot of support and you are not alone. You need to look at a local carers group. Who can offer guidance and support.
https://www.carersuk.org/help-and-advice/get-support/local-support
Hello and welcome to the Forum.
My husband is 87 and has Alzheimer’s disease and I am his carer.
Dementia is a journey that is unique to every individual some progress more quickly than others . My husband has been diagnosed for 3 years but showing signs longer than that. He does still know me.
I made it my work to find out as much as I can about the disease and where I could get help and support.
The Alzheimer’s Society is a substantial source of help and they have lots of resources.
There are several sorts of dementia and each may be slightly different.
I hope this helps
Jennifer