What to do when you've reached your limit?

I feel bad for asking this but I really think I’ve reached the limit of what I can cope with now. My wife has been battling depression and PTSD for a little over 10 years now and the past two years it’s been getting steadily worse. We have 2 kids under 5 and I lost my job at the start of the Covid shut down so I’m sure the stress from all that is impacting these feelings. Every day I am told how she wants to die and how we’d be better without her (she made a serious attempt a year ago). I can’t encourage her out of bed without it setting off a rage because I’m “being controlling”. Entire days can pass where she doesn’t see the kids even though we’re all in the same house. I can’t see an end to it, I have always been very positive that she’ll get better but after today’s outburst I’ve just lost hope. I’m sorry this is so rambling, I’m not thinking about what I write.

Hi Ben

What a lot you have to deal on your plate. The fact you lost your job and are at home. How has this impacted on the dynamics in the home. Has this in a covert way allowed your wife to drop her parenting responsibilities. If you were not there do you think she might help with the children. As you are at home your wife has your full attention.

(she made a serious attempt a year ago).

Were there any interventions by social services team/mental health every involved.

Definitely, when I was working we shared parenting and house stuff so when I wasn’t at work I was looking after the kids and house, that seems to have continued. I think I naively thought plenty of rest would help her but it doesn’t seem to be, it seems to have the opposite effect.

The mental health team have been involved to a certain extent but she is very very good at hiding her true self to them. She’s gone into an appointment before now telling me her plan to go through with it, and hidden it so well that they’ve started to reduce her meds. The GP is the only one that she’s been open with so he’s only prescribing 2 weeks of meds at a time, and he questions whenever they make a change he doesn’t agree with. Half the problem has been lack of consistency with who she sees, it’s always a locum so no-one is physically seeing any improvement or decline from appointment to appointment.

It’s interesting that the issues have been over ten years. And two children have arrived within that time. Are any of the children usual in school (given the age do I guess not). Or would have been coming up to school attendance. Usually things escalate when a change is about to happen. And a person feels out of control. Have you talked about the children attending schools. How would the children attend school if you were working.