I have now lost all four of our parents, husband and brother.
With any loss, there is a period of mixed emotions.
My mum suffered hugely for so long that it was a relief for all the family and the nursing home staff.
We didn’t always agree on things, but we knew we loved each other, and whenever I drive near her house, I still have the feeling that I should go and make her a cuppa and have a chat.
After I was widowed suddenly, I found a book called “Starting Again” by Sarah Litvinoff. Primarily written for couples separating, but there is so much relevant to anyone who has to make a new start. It’s usually available cheaply on ebay, and easy to read. It focusses on what you have done in the past and what you would like to do in the future.
Having concentrated for so long on the needs of everyone else in the family, I’d seldom thought about what I would like to do for myself. I married at 19 and went straight from my parents house to our first home, never even lived alone before!
If funds allow, I would suggest that you get a copy of the book, go away somewhere for a few days, chill out, walk, swim, paint, whatever you like doing. There are endless possibilities, it took me some time but I have a new life now, although still mum to someone with severe learning difficulties who lives in his own flat.
Do NOT fall into the trap of doing something, anything, to fill those empty hours. You need time and peace for reflection, to make a wish list of all those things you’ve thought about doing, but never had the time. Try to make new memories, rather than going back to things you used to do. Find the “new” you, and enjoy your life anew.