I’ve got a 90 year old father who is frail with failing kidneys, liver and breathing issues and is deteriorating. He lives alone. He is exceedingly stubborn and refuses to help himself with taking meds etc or looking after his pressure ulcers. He has a hospital bed he won’t use. He had 6 weeks free care package when he came out of hospital in Feb, as of last week having to self-fund with a new agency and really not happy. He doesn’t want to pay for care, he wants to cancel them all. He is fixated on the cost even though he can easily manage financially. However he is getting weaker by the day, too weak to walk and really needs 24hr supervision. He refuses any idea of moving to a home, hates his new carers which he has already reduced from x4 to x3 a day. He waits till the last carer has gone then phones me and my brother every day needing commode care, putting to bed, feeding. He says the carers won’t feed him even though they offer meals every visit he mostly won’t let them. He often refuses personal care and assistance from the carers other than dealing with his catheter. He says we shouldn’t be leaving him alone in the house. He has had a couple of falls but won’t use his Lifeline button. Really he wants one of us to move in so he can cancel the carers. My brother and I just don’t know what to do, there seems to be no reasoning with him but we are spending several hours every evening after work caring for him. He has full capacity. Appealing to him about the effect on us doesn’t work.
Do NOT care for him, at all, or he will cancel the carers. Make it clear that it’s either the carers or a nursing home! I know this sounds brutal, but he is solely focussed on himself.