The spinning plates are wobbling

Hi I am new to this site, any help or advice would be very much appreciated. My dad is 79 and was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s in 2016, he was monitored then discharged in 2017. His symptoms have become progressively worse over the years. My mum is 78 and is his main carer. She has been up until recently physically fit and well and has looked after dad brilliantly. Mum has just come out of hospital after having open heart surgery to replace a leaking heart valve. Prior to mum going into hospital we had all seen a decline in dad, since mum has been in hospital and come home he has become much worse. I have contacted his GP for a referral back to the hospital for re assessment. In the meantime, I am unsure how to handle certain circumstances and am afraid of doing the wrong thing. Dad looks out of the window and down the street and says he can see soldiers setting up camp and tells us what they are doing and laughs and jokes about them. There is nothing there. How are we supposed to deal with him saying these things as he wants to have conversations with us about the camp. Are we to tell him there is nothing there? Or do we play along. We have walked down the street with him and at the time he admitted there was no camp and it was just someone’s garden and flowers, but since then insists they are still there. This has been going on for the past 6 weeks. He does struggle with other things that we can be more understanding of ie: TV remote, locks, telephone, coordination, doors, cupboards etc. We do have an appointment with GP for the referral , but cannot ask these questions in front of dad as it isn’t fair on him. Any help and suggestions, I would be ,most grateful. Lisa

My husband confabulated all of the time. I used to go along with it, for example, he often said he had been away, Scotland, Barcelona etc. I used to say oh, did you have a good time, or was the weather OK. He would answer as he thought, then I would change the subject as quickly as I could. He really thought it was true,was in his dementia world, and was no point in telling him differently. He once said his dad was asleep on his bed, his back was to the bed, so I said he must be really comfy! Soon forgot he had said it. The only times I tried to change things, were if he said something awful had happened, then I would say oh love, you must have had your tablets late, and they have made you dream, give him a kiss and he used to agree,I think with relief.
If you google confabulations in dementia, it may help. Very difficult I know, but I called them kind lies.

Thank you so much for replying, I will take this on board and also look up confabulations, many thanks Lisa

The Alzheimer’s Society publish many free on-line booklets and factsheets about all aspects of dementia, including changes in behaviour, hallucinations etc.

If you click the following link it will take you to the list and you may find much that will be of help to you and your family.

Remembr too to always check for any UTI when confusion worsens, it’s often related, also dehydration

Sorry to hear about Dad. my Mum has Alzheimer’s before this she cared for Dad who had a neurological condition.

I think Pet is right, just play along and change the subject. Mum sometimes sees things that are not there or miss reads things she does see. She was insistent about a the filming in the park opposite her house, it was just a table top sale. I just go along with it.

Thinks like not being able to work TV etc might be harder to deal with. people just forget how to do things. You can get devices to help like simple remote controls, easy to use phone with just a few buttons, etc, but these don’t always work as people can’t retain new information. Mum has managed well with a talking watch and a simple phone, so worth looking at what is available.

What help are Mum and Dad getting? Do you think Mum is still OK to care for Dad with her own health concerns? Do they get any benefits they are entitled to. It may have come to a point where one person cannot care for him. It is worth considering what happens next, sad as it may seem.

Thank you, I will have a look.

Thank you

Thank you for replying. Mum is still okay to care for dad with our help and support, I am with them most days and do the things they are unable to. Mum was told she couldn’t claim carers allowance as she draws a pension so therefore not entitled. I have claimed for the reduction in council tax for them and don’t know of any other benefits they may be entitled to. I have broached the subject of what may happen in the future. It is very sad. Thank you again :slight_smile:

Thank you, will do.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you, this has been very helpful.

Let me assure you… It doesn’t get easier as such, but adjusting happens albeit slowly. You will probably find that you know you are sparing the feelings of your loved one, and doing your very best. Some days are better than others, and sometimes can even bring humour, even if in a sad situation.

Just go with the flow. Trying to correct the illogicality of dementia is a waste
of time IMHO. It only upsets both the carer and the caree.

The hours I wasted trying to correct the incorrect.
Then I went with the flow and peace descended upon us. :slight_smile:

Your Dad and possibly your Mum should probably be getting Attendance Allowance which would allow your Mum to get some more help in? It isn’t means tested and is based on what need you have for help rather than what illness you have. We started with a cleaner and a sitting service. If the form looks daunting Age UK can help you fill it in if you have a local branch? Our claim for Mum (with dementia) was rejected first time round as I don’t think we put enough detail in, so really list ALL things he/they need help with.

Thank you

Thank you

Thank you I will look into it.