The Poetry of Caring- poems written by carers

All about caring
21

Showing up, friend in need
Dear Friend
I’m here to tell you I hear you beating with earnest thumps
to imprint a footprint on what must be
Feelings of fear, scared cold, imprisoned not free
I feel your angst, anxiety to try to make others see
When you feel you’re in the dark, broken, and insignificant, downsized to a pea.

But we’re here, together, you’re not alone
Other Carers feel empathy and see your plight
caught between the care and urge to fight
you’ve only finite time, energy and waking hours
but together, don’t worry they’ll feel our power

So much system, pathways and boxes to tick
yet on this side of the fence the humanity seems missed.
Questionnaires, and assessments mean we’re trying to fit a slot
that squeezes and remoulds to something we’re not
Square peg round hole and no bespoke solutions
gives rise to feelings that there’s something broken
and first we think it must be us
because surely the system is meant to give us some support, care and trust?

But from the moment a crisis for a loved one happens
we’ve no space, time or energy to navigate
all the things, the ‘system’ wants us to do
we’re told, we’re pushed, we’re meant to sit in a queue
So many things get forfeited before we know what we’re owed
because our focus is on our loved one’s crisis taking hold

And also, can I just say, like many others in life
We say to ourselves ‘there are others who are suffering a MUCH bigger plight’
whether that’s money or in need of helping hands
We self-abdicate our power, defer our needs, and don’t take a stand.

And bigger than all that my biggest need and prayer
Is to get enough sleep yes it IS that bland
Because until your stretched beyond belief
everything else seems very insignificant and cheap

So Dear Friend, you’re not alone
we feel your heart and hear the same mournful song.
We see your fight …to just keep going without enough sleep
running running running - whilst your heart breaks and freaks.
Connect and vent and shout and scream
You’re worth-it, head and heart, hands open
We’re here for you and YOU are well and truly seen

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22

Dearest Victoria
Your heartfelt words make me feel I have a friend who sees me and others
We are lucky to have you
Ula

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23

A gift to Dear ones…

Every hour we complete our to-do list and errands
we reach new heights of productivity, going to and from remembering to pee.
How many things have you piled high, on errands to the pharmacy to pick up meds
Or to go get milk when the last drops are unpredictably used up…aka comforting via extra mug
of hot chocolate or ovaltine or tea?

Who needs new tech or software to tell us how to be more productive
when our arms and legs are aching and we still can’t get a solid night of sleep?
We take comfort via the empathy of others who are doing exactly the same thing
Through fuelled by caffeine or relaxing through wine
We can never regain, capture that elusive thing called time

Sweet molasses of relief, when the list is complete
brings an ecstasy bittersweet
lightness of stress-relief
finally no expectations, release
and then remember - geez I need to pee!

Now we can try to lie-in
avoid make-up and only wear soft cosy comfortable untrendy clothes
who knew playing hermit could be like being a princess without the ‘show’
the bliss of roll over, or no-fear of the doorbell ringing
Is like Santa Claus bringing a gift early
Makes me feel like singing!

3 Likes
24

Just read this, thank you so much, you words touched me deeply, the recognition and understanding of the feelings we live with. Very best wishes to you.

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25

Thank you. Yes, we can remember that we can sparkle.

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26

@Amanda_220712345 Hello!
Thank you for your appreciation of the poem…sometimes words tumble out because they have to get out, and they always find a soft landing sharing here.

It’s a stressful time of year, so I hope you’re doing ok. Hop over to Roll Call if you’d like some comic relief and chat, it’s all very easy going and there’s some mutual appreciation going on right now :wink: https://forum.carersuk.org/t/roll-call-december-2023/124126?u=victoria_1806

1 Like
27

Thank you for keeping spirit of poetry alive.
Ula

28

This is going onto my website tomorow morning, but I thought I’d share it here first

Premise: a few recent texts/conversations with other Carers who have been suffering from that common affliction of ‘well-intentioned Hero-ing’, over this festive period. I thought others maybe feeling this too. I’m blessed that Mum and I, whilst caring for Dad, forged our habit of aligning pre-visits and have drawn a strong boundary around ourselves…I count this blessing that keeps us sane, every day!
Title: We don’t like the Hero-ing

I am deplete.
Whilst knowing I need to do more.
I’ve drained my store, of laughs and spark,
and I’m left with only the dregs of snark.
I know I’m not alone, in saying
'There’s more to me than caring ', and thankfully
I’ve friends who empathise, don’t criticise
my complex situation. They take a stand,
alongside me, hand-in-hand.

Whilst everyone else, chooses what they’d like to do
I am constrained, in all I do.
Some may feel they’re imprisoned to care
But I have reams of love I wish to share.
But please don’t ask for me to ‘care-splain every thing’ I do
You don’t understand unless you’ve been through
the rollercoaster that only a carer can understand
drained of sleep, muted, invisible, talked-to only on the backhand.

If you’re here, ASK what we need or what you can do
Don’t assume or make it all about you!
Please absorb yourself into OUR routine
Don’t make it martyrdom, applause and want to be hero-seen.
We sense false-heroes, easily these days
and tend to forgive fast, but boundary our extreme.
We don’t need to expend the energy that’s running on fumes
Our loved ones take priority, not your ego or plumes.

So please excuse me, whilst we now retire
fatigued, exhausted our energy expired.
We’ve done our best with festive season here
in typical carer-can-do agility, without fear,
to fulfil all that was asked, needed, essential, all done,
Now to the insomniac’s version of sleep, this will be the night-owls version of fun
Hopefully we’ll recover, restore, recoup and be still
We don’t play hero, this is just the typical ‘Unpaid Carer’s’ life we’re in.

3 Likes
29

Reading the reality, I feel sad, I miss having space and freedom to live my life.
Yes the reality of caring is depleting.
I appreciate you creating a poem the offers space to be seen for real.
Ula

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30

This isn’t a poem - more a stream of consciousness. One day it just sort of occurred on my keyboard in a rush. I was brave enough one day to read it out in an open mic session. It prompted one of our group to read something too all about her mental health so that was good. I wrote it 9 years ago but it is still true and makes me cry when I read it.

Carers care,
Carers hope,
Carers dream,
Carers cry.

Who looks after them?
Who cares for them?
Who dreams with them?
Who wipes their tears?

It’s not my fault!
Why should I care?
The anger swells inside
And then comes the shame.

All positive talk
Whilst feeling despair.
Being strong
And crying inside.

Carers choose to care.

Jack

3 Likes