Hello, I’m new to the site and it’s my first post but I honestly have so much that’s built up inside I dont even know where to start. BPD and PTSD has left my partner a shell of his former self. I barely recognise him anymore. Its soul destroying to see him struggle through every day. No 2 days are the same. I can be his best friend or his worst enemy, theres no inbetween. One thing iv found out over the years is that being a partner and carer of someone suffering with mental health problems is bloody lonely! Iv tried to reach out for support from friends and family and had unhelpful comments such as “why dont you just leave him” “stop running round for him…hes an adult” “he needs to man up”. It didn’t take long for me to realise, In my life full of people, i was totally alone. No one understood! Iv invested 13 years into our relationship, it’s been far from easy but I love the bones of him and I’m not about to give up when things get tough! As I’m typing this, I’m sat crossed legged on the living room floor watching my suicidal partner asleep on the sofa, sat wondering what tomorrow will bring and thinking about how tired I will be, i just cant switch off. Hes in a real bad place at the moment, a whole 6 days to his MH review…feels like a lifetime away! They are already aware of his deteriation. Its like no one understands how hard it is to keep him alive when he so desperately wants to end it all!! Im on constant alert! I cant even comprehend losing him…I feel so alone… caring for him alone. On my own. Just me. No pressure hey?
Ps. He’s on the sofa because he hates me because I won’t stop loving him and I wont just let him die.
Tomorrow is another day 
He sounds like he could benefit from talking to a therapist or counselor? This is a guide to mental health services across all areas of the UK worth reading How to access mental health services - NHS
If he needs support pronto, this page lists numbers to call Mental health services - NHS
Or he can call Samaritans (24 hour free helpline) to talk to someone who understands. Their number is 116 123 or you can take a look at their website. Talk to your GP, they might be able to refer you for therapy/counselling or a mental health doctor in some cases too. Therapy can involve partners and families. Good luck!
You might also check to see if he can be referred to a mental health clinic.
Have you got details of the Mental health crisis service, there should be a telephone number to access fast help when in crisis.
You should be getting some help and support as well, you just cannot look after someone 24 hours a day with no support.
Nicola - so sorry that you’re going through this all on your own. I don’t know if this applies to your relationship or not, so please don’t be angry with me if this is irrelevent . When your partner is very ill mentally it is understable to ‘take control’ and make all the decisions but it is very important that the mentally ill person feels that he has some say in decisions making.
Has HE any friends that could come and visit him or phone him?
Does he like listening to music? If so play his favourite pieces.
Have you got children?
As previously mentioned in a different post - phone the Samaritans for advice. Please keep in touch
‘because I won’t stop loving him and I wont just let him die’
I felt this. I’ve been searching the internet for some understanding and nothing else came close to this post. I just wanted to check you were ok. I am travelling your path and my partner thinks he is the only one who feels this way, and that no one can help him. It’s soul destroying. If you are in a better place now I would be so grateful to understand how you got there. I’m starting to think I can’t save him x