My partner has BPD and I don't know what to do

All about caring Former carers
1

Hi everyone. My name is Kirsty. My fiance has just been diagnosed with BPD just over a week ago. I knew there had been something more then depression wrong for a couple of years but doctors just kept saying he was depressed and needed to take antidepressants.

I’m just looking for a bit of support and advice at the moment on how to cope with the melt downs. We are both 26. He still hasn’t told his parents about his diagnosis despite me asking him to so that at least I have someone to talk to when things are getting tough.

He has been acting like a child of late and I’m beginning to feel more like his parent then his fiancee. He not only suffered with BPD but he has psoriatic arthritis and type 2 diabetes. He isn’t taking any of his medication that he has been prescribed dispite being told by myself and his psychologist that if he doesn’t then for my safety I will have to find somewhere else to go.

I’m struggling as I have my own health problems along with personal problems. I’m in a very long process of grieving for my mum who passed away 27th January 2018, my family were awful and I still haven’t been able to say goodbye to her. I disowned my family because of the things they were saying to me at the time of my mum being in hospital and passing away. He says he will help me through and then treats me like rubbish when I need him the most.

He has me at the point where I am sat there crying my eyes rocking back and forth screaming for my mum begging myself to go be with her as she would know what today.

He does everything he can to scare me. There has been more the one occasion where I have had to physically hurt myself to stop him harming himself.

I don’t know where I can turn for a bit of support. I don’t know anyone in my city as I moved to Scotland 2 years ago from England to better myself and so that he could be closer to his family. I don’t know what to do for the best. I’m constantly walking on eggshells.

I love him more then anything but I’m beginning to not know what to do for the best anymore.

Sorry for the long post but just needed to get it all out. Any advice would be appreciated.

2

Hi Kirsty
I’m just answering to get this thread back high in the list s I am surprised no one else has answered yet.
The forum is pretty quiet at the moment and it may be a few days before you get many responses

I am concerned for you. I don’t think anyone else’s diagnosis gives them permission to scare or hurt anyone else. He may have a condition but that doesn’t mean he should take it out on you. Google your local area and “domestic violence” and it should lead you to an organisation that can give you practical pointers to help locally.

You can also read up on BPD on sites mind and rethink

While he’s having a bad time adjusting to his diagnosis you may find it best for your safety to remove yourself from the situation, hopefully temporarily, but you must realise his illness is likely to be lifelong and its already taking too big a toll on you. You have to put yourself first to be able to have any chance of coping in the long term

Whenever you need to talk to someone ( the forum is sporadic) there’s always the Samaritans

Hope some of this helps. It’s not an easy situation
Kr
MrsA

3

Hello Kristy.
Many years ago, my mum had problems with her ‘nerves’. BPD wasn’t a diagnosis at the time. My dad couldn’t cope and decided to work permanent nights, my sister left home and went to college. I was approximately 16 and was left to cope with everything. Like your partner, mum refused to take her medication. The experience that you describe fits the exact mould of my mum. It’s very difficult to love and care for someone when they constantly grind you down. As you describe, your own health is suffering.
I’m sorry, that the best advice I can give is that you move out. For your own health and safety. Xx