Hi,
My boyfriend has been depressed for a long time now, but recently it seems to have gotten alot worse. He has been violently self harming himself and has told me he tried to overdose himself. He lives around 5 hours away from me and I dont know what i can do to help, often when we call he explains how he feels and if i try and make him feel better by acknowledging it, he ends up hanging up on me because he says he doesnt want to make my life depressing. I have clincal depression but im medicated and definetly feel alot better, but the way he talks about himself often makes me very upset, and sometimes he will try and be purposefully horible to me because if i dump him he can kill himself without feeling guilty. Today he seemed okay, but then started asking questions like what would i do if i knew today was my last day and what would i want the last thing i said to him be. He then ended our conversation by saying that if we never talked again he wanted me to know how much he loves me. im now rather worried about him, but honestly i dont know what to do. He has a very bad relationship with his family, and if i contacted either them or the police he would never talk to me again. Which would be okay if knew that contacting either of them would help him, but often im the only one who calms him down. I dont know what to do.
Conor
You should get him to call the Samaritans
Although as a good friend you are trying your best, he needs the professionals. It’s common, but not fair, that he tries to put blame or guilt on you. Wear the forums invisible Teflon coat and let his comments slide off you, while you just calmly repeat that he needs to talk to the Samaritans, or get other professional help. You state you will still be there for him, but he has to get help first. Become like a stuck record as he won’t want to at first.
Kr
MrsA
Thank you for the advice.
I have given him the number many times but he doesnt call them I think. Any time he puts blame on me, he himself gets very upset when he calms down which feeds into this cycle. Often he will say a mean or snide thing in order to try and get me to leave him, as he says he would be able to complete suicide if he didnt feel bad leaving me.
He hasnt had an easy life, with both his parents being physically abusive to him, and he doesnt have anyone where he is. If i am honest, if he was better or had a stable relationship besides me or even some other support system i may have left him. I have noone to talk to about this as i dont want my family to think of him poorly or try and tell me to leave him.
Im just so scared. I wake up every morning wondering if this will be the morning i never hear from him again.
thank you again
Conor
It is a sad situation, but it is not of your making. Keep telling him to get help. Keep repeating the Smaritians number 116 123 to him.
One day he will call it. You have to stay strong for you. Its so sad so many with mental health problems try putting it all on those around them. It’s often harder on the supporters as the sufferers do get some relief but the supporters don’t.
There are hints in how to support on the Mind website