I just joined and finally feel able to take on the ‘carer’ name (which has lifted a weight in itself), and feel like I could have also written half of these posts as the situations are often so similar.
My boyfriend whom I live with has severe depression, self harms A LOT and has very bad breakdowns/episodes of suicidal thoughts. The care he has received has been…frankly appalling. His breakdowns seem completely manic to me - shouting, slamming, punching, eyes wide, heavy breathing, somewhat imaginative/hallucinating - it’s like a completely different person has kicked off. He has cut himself to the point now it’s all down both legs, and he was worried he would bleed out the other day. He’s even been arrested for self harming in public, and been up at a&e for suicide attempts and just sent home and placed on a CPN waiting list?! “He has a girlfriend who can look after him so…”
Anyway, when he is in these states I am losing hope and patience because I feel that I’ve tried every “tactic”. I sit down, talk calmly, let him speak, apologise and see things from his point of view, encourage him to call for help but it still just results in all of the above and him slamming doors and running away. If I try a different tactic of getting ‘angry’ back at him, still not any better. Recently I’ve cracked and as soon as an episode is coming I find myself in floods of tears, begging and begging him to stop. So now I’ve started calmly explaining that I’ll leave the house and stay at a friend’s until the episode is over. But he has found this incredibly hurtful and unforgivable.
Does anyone have any other ways to deal with a partner when they are in this state? Is he right that it’s unfair and selfish to leave him? What other things could I do?