Wife went into hospital for a week and is now back at home. She has very low energy levels and painful joints, she’s also extremely heavy. Struggled to get from the car into the house and then found there was no way she was getting upstairs.
This is a problem as the master bedroom is upstairs as is the only accessible shower for her. So she’s stuck downstairs in the guest bedroom and a week later seems worse if anything. Doctor visited and says her test results are improving slightly. I was really hoping she’d get taken back to hospital.
But the fact she can’t shower is now causing nasty skin problems. She’s now struggling to stand as well.
Not sure what to do. Before hospital she was a recluse and hadn’t gone downstairs for a year, something she was just fine with. I’ve no intention of paying for a stair lift and anyway I think they’d really struggle to install one, especially with sufficient weight rating. In any event she needs upstairs to get a shower urgently.
We’ve had doctors, nurses, etc. doing house calls but this is a problem they don’t seem to have faced before. It took half an hour to get her downstairs and into the car. Got the occupational therapist coming next week.
What normally happens with very overweight and immobile patients?
Ring the hospital, ask to speak to the CEO’s office, and insist that either she is readmitted, or moved to a care home which can meet her needs. They should have assessed her home before discharge, especially as it would have been blatantly obvious that stairs would be impossible.
Not acceptable that the GP etc. hasn’t taken any responsibility for sorting out this mess either!
Problem is that she thought she would manage the stair so it wasn’t brought up before discharge. It’s an issue now which is why I was hoping she’d get taken back, but the reason she was admitted is improving slowly.
hi @clx123 , did no one from the hostpial speak to you before your wife came out? If not then BB is right about it being a unsafe discharge. Speak to you gp and request a visit for them to get you some help in from the OT’s and the district nurses. if the gp does not help phone Social service and tell them that you can’t manage to care for your wife and explain the reason why but say they have got a duty of care to help support you . if it get’s worst before monday, ring for a ambulance and have them put a request in for you for support. Don’t be afraid to ask for help but tell them what it like on a bad day.
Our local health centre are pretty good, we’re lucky. OT due next week and we’ve had both nurse and doctor visits. But they don’t seem to address the stair issue.
Is it possible they’ll be able to get some burly ambulance folk with a suitable chair to carry her upstairs? It won’t be an easy task. I don’t think two people could lift her and the stair is too tight for more.
The OT can get things sorted like having someone look at a stair life or put a lift in. The ambulance folk would take your wife in on a social reason and get social services out to you. Highlight the point that your wife can;t get upstairs and needs a wash. it might be worth seeing if something can be set up downstairs for her. Think out side the box when asking questions.
There’s no way I’m paying for a stair lift, her and her family have had a fortune off me over the years and I’m not paying thousands for a lift that will get used once or twice a year. I doubt we’d qualify for a grant, in any event she needs help now not in several months.
It’s nigh on impossible to get tradesmen where we live otherwise converting the downstairs shower for her might be an idea, but it’d take months to get someone to do it. I’m quite happy for her to live downstairs and me upstairs. Honestly I’m the last person that should be a carer, I just don’t have the skill set for it and frankly don’t want to do it. Only reason we’re together is that I couldn’t afford a divorce years ago. She’s been quite abusive to me in the past. That said I don’t like seeing her suffering and things are only going to get worse for her if she’s stuck much longer.
if I was in your shoes I’d forget about trying to get your wife upstairs a) it’s unlikely to be possible and b) using your energy and building up stress to get her up there is one thing, and there’s a high probability she’ll have an emergency and need to be brought down given her current health status
She needs care support that you can’t provide given her weight and immobility - this is the point you need to push with GP and highlight the pathway 2 and 3 of the document was not assessed in the hospital…I’ve no idea how a discharge in a car was even thought to be safe…am ambulance return home is usual.
You’ve said in your previous post that you’re struggling with your own mental health and autism - the important thing for you to say is that you don’t want to care for her anymore, and for her safety she needs care elsewhere.
Unless you are vocal and say you can’t care for her people will assume you’ll somehow make things work….like getting her upstairs… This is why I’m saying its best to stop trying to solve that point!
Sorry to be so direct, but you were very clear in March and I can see how easily things will get worse for you right now!
Your wife’s needs AND yours are now bigger than what you can do in the house - based on what you’ve said…so it’s important to tell people you can’t care for her.
If I’ve misinterpreted anything or said something wrong, I’m really sorry…I’m just VERY concerned for you, based on what I read on the past post and now
Hospitals can be fined for sending someone home who has to go back in within a month! Having her upstairs with no means of escape if there was a fire, or even you were taken ill, is not acceptable. What is needed is some sort of modification to your house, or to move house. If all else fails threaten the hospital / Social Services with going to the papers. It works wonders!
I’m actually glad you saw my old post, thanks for taking the time to care
“the important thing for you to say is that you don’t want to care for her anymore, and for her safety she needs care elsewhere.”
My worry is that I’ll end up having to pay for it. As I understand it until I reach 60 they can sell the house to cover her care costs. When she was in hospital it was almost like a holiday for me. I cleaned all the things in the house I’ve been wanting to for years but she’d not like me touching or I’d get a row for doing it wrongly. Irony is that as she can’t move about she’s no idea how clean the place is. It was also great to know she was getting proper care.
Based on experiences with my mother I know they’ll do almost anything to avoid putting someone in an expensive care home. In addition to which she’d need to agree to go, I can’t see that happening. Right now I can’t predict the situation in a week’s time, let alone longer.
I really wish I’d have made them take her back in an ambulance. Had I done that would they have carried her upstairs somehow?
The housing situation locally means there is zero chance of us moving. Houses are like gold dust with insane prices due to second homes and AirBnBs. In any event that would kill my own mental health so I’d refuse to do it. I’m semi retired so my income would give little scope for a mortgage and she’s not worked in 20 years.
As I understand it until I reach 60 they can sell the house to cover her care costs.
Call CarersUK Helpline to ask specifics about your situation on Monday (its not open tomorrow) They’ve also teamed up with AccessAva that supports unpaid carers about legal advice for people with social care needs: https://carersuk.accesscharity.org.uk/
Be ready to discuss your finances and the house
Perhaps the difference between your mother and your wife’s situation is that your wife has recently been wrongly, unsafely been discharged?!? I don’t know your mother’s circumstances.
Don’t try to predict things right now, is my advice…Be ready to dial 999 at the weekend because from what you’ve shared my worry is she’ll need help…
@clx123…..first of all, I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I was in a similar situation with my husband who is obese. He was discharged from hospital and stretchered into our bungalow where he was placed in his riser recliner chair and off they went. He then couldn’t get up from the chair. I had to call 999 stating an unsafe discharge and they then sent an ambulance to come and collect him. He went back into hospital. They then wanted to send him home bed bound and I had to refuse to care for him. He ended up being sent to a physio rehab centre to get him mobile again as he had previously spent many months in hospital and lost what limited muscle power he had. Long story but he went into the care home environment and is now in assisted living accommodation.
I wouldn’t try to arrange for anyone to get her upstairs again as it’s not safe. If there was a fire you wouldn’t be able to get her downstairs. Have you tried speaking to adult social services or maybe calling 111 stating an unsafe discharge to see what they say?
Thanks for the advice. Social Services were contacted by either the doctor or hospital but can’t visit for two weeks. She’s can’t care for herself as she’s unable to perform essential daily functions alone. She badly needs joint replacements but has to lose a great deal of weight first and it’s just not happening. She has so many other problems, food allergies and complex needs that even in hospital I think they struggled. I’ve not been able to leave her for any length of time for over a year.
I really pity her as I’d not like to be looked after by me! I’m not a monster or anything but I’m just not great with people skills. She actually looked really happy in hospital once she’d gotten over the shock of being there.
Your main worry seems to be that if your wife moves out, they will make you sell the house.
The following is based on my own research and experiences with my own mum. Please take it as a rough guide, with some homework, until you can talk to our Carers UK Helpline.
It’s a very specialist area, and if you are seeking legal advice, make sure it is from an expert in Community Care Law, not your local solicitor. However, if you have a long standing relationship with a local solicitor, as I did, they may well suggest someone appropriate. (I married at 19, and we bought a house. Two of the pupils at my school had a solicitor dad, who I’d met a few times and was easy to talk to, so we went to him).
As you are her spouse and the house is your home, selling the house would make you homeless. This is not permitted, so I believe it means that the property would be totally disregarded.
Please do some searching for “Charging for Care - Property Disregards” and look at the .gov site, to swot up on this subject.
Financial assessments can be done EITHER jointly, or individually, and it is YOUR CHOICE not Social Services, as to how you choose it to be done. Unless your wife has a lot of savings, and a job, then individually would probably be best.
I would also suggest you take a look at the criteria for NHS Continuing Healthcare, which is free, but involves assessments. Easier in some areas than others.
Thanks, that’s very helpful. It’s purely down to finances we’re still married. I think the rules are a bit different in Scotland too. I think the rules about free personal care for the elderly here now apply to all ages but they are probably means tested still.
Hi @clx123 I’m afraid I don’t know the rules in Scotland, so it looks as if the Helpline is the best idea at the moment, but I suggest an email as your situation is more complex than many - advice@carersuk.org should get you through.
As far as the house is concerned, as you’re her husband, they can’t take the value of the house towards any fees. That is a UK-wide rule as far as I’m aware, but ask the Helpline to be certain.
Yes, technically this was an unsafe discharge, but given the information that the hospital had at the time and your wife’s gradual improvement since, I think that it is extremely unlikely that you will be able to get your wife re-admitted, unless her health deteriorates again. The hospital and social services will see other sides - like many patients in pain desperate to be admitted to hospital for surgery but delayed because of shortage of beds. Try by all means, but also look towards ways to ameliorate the situation at home. If your wife should happen to be readmitted to hospital, this time you will have learned how to make sure it is fully informed of the domestic situation before discharge.
Bowlingbun and Sue have made a similar point and I entirely agree with them. Your wife may have been happy living upstairs previously but she should stay downstairs now.
So you do have a downstairs shower, which you could consider converting, but you can’t find a tradesman. Have you tried to visit the following?
Enter “plumbers”, and the place where you live, or the nearest big-ish town. You should see a list of plumbers. Don’t worry that some will be many miles away; tradesmen are usually willing to come some distance. This will cost some money but nowhere near as much as a stair lift would.
How are you trying to keep your wife clean at present? One way is a wipe down with a damp, soapy towel, followed by another damp towel to rinse and a dry towel to dry. It is not as good as a shower but better than nothing.
Unless you have savings over £46,000 this work could be funded by a Disabled Facilities grant as long as you don’t do ANYTHING before work is agreed. Faced with an Unsafe Discharge the hospital could and should have arranged either readmission or Reablement in a local care home. I’d still be pushing for this. It should ensure alterations are done quickly!
