Struggling with my mums carers

So my my has 2 Carers 4 times a day and I live with my mum and the problem I’m having is lack of respect. They leave things a mess after they have finished caring for my mum, they send Carers who do not understand basic English which is difficult for my mum. They also send new staff to shadow bit they do not ask my mums permission they just send them here which my mum hates being watched by strangers, when she complains all they say is well how are the new staff going to learn if you don’t let them watch!. What I find difficult is they come in and do not greet me just walk straight past me and recently came in arguing with me about the fact I complained as I didn’t want them putting the aprons they have been using to care for my mum into my kitchen bin unwrapped. They also leave used gloves laying around and faeces on the floor in my mums room which I have to tidy up. They have also left the front door wide open when my mum was upstairs bearing in mind she is confined to a wheelchair and can’t move unaided. They have also left our key lock wide open on several occasions and left the tap running upstairs which oiled our kitchen and electrics. The thing that annoyed me is to come into my house shouting and arguing with me is totally disrespectful. My mums gets frustrated with them at times but is overall happy with them it’s just me that seems to have the issue. Even the owner came in the house and left and both times totally ignored me and that’s there leader so to speak! I’ve had an issue with medication where the carers gave my mum less of a certain medication over a period of time and I got the evidence on CCTV but the two carers involved denied they reduced my mums medication :pill: and because the MARS chart was signed showing no changes there was no evidence to prove they did it but this particular medication was to treat nerve pain in my mums mouth and gradually the pain got worse. When the care manager came she started my mum back on normal dose and her pain improved. So my suspicion is they lied but no concrete evidence and this particular carer the manager thinks the sun shines out of her …

Hi Carly

Sounds like you’re in a difficult position. As a forum ambassador I wanted to wish you a warm welcome to the forum and to highlight some of the options for connecting with fellow carers and for getting support from Carers UK should you need it. I’m sure there are fellow forum members who can give you some advice based on similar experiences.

Carers UK are running online weekly meet ups for carers to take some time for themselves and chat to other carers. Feel free to join if you’d like to and there’s no pressure to share anything you don’t want to.

You can find information on how to register to our online meetups at the following pages:

Care for a Cuppa: Online meetups | Carers UK - the next online meet up is today (Monday 27 Sept), 15.00-16.00 with further sessions shown in that link. This social is a great way to have a little break if you are able to and spend some quality time talking to people who understand what you are going through right now.

Share and Learn: Share and Learn | Carers UK - these sessions range from creative writing activities to beginners Latin dance sessions.

There is also Carers UK’s helpline should you need advice or support - Our Telephone Helpline is available on 0808 808 7777 from Monday to Friday, 9am – 6pm or you can contact us by email (

Carers UK also provide information and guidance to unpaid carers. This covers a range of subjects including:

Benefits and financial support
Your rights as a carer in the workplace
Carers’ assessments and how to get support in your caring role
Services available to carers and the people you care for
How to complain effectively and challenge decisions.

Talk to CQC about what is going on, what they would expect an agency to do with aprons, gloves, etc.etc.

Who is funding this care?
As mum has very high care needs, is she receiving NHS Continuing Healthcare Funding?
If so, talk to the NHS staff who engaged the agency, otherwise Social Services.

I’ve spoken to CQC and also had to report them to the ombudsman due to them making a medication error and the manager trying to cover it up

Have you considered changing the agency? Private agencies are often more discerning Re staff and not necessarily more expensive. It worked for me

Mum doesn’t want to change the agency she is very happy with them, but of course doesn’t see what I see

Hello, Carl. You do well to refer this matter to CQC. However I doubt whether CQC has a silver bullet that it can fire from the distance and make everything come right overnight. Things will take time.

Your Mum seems happy with the carers but clearly you are not, and for very definite reasons from what I have read.

I suggest you consider changing the carers. I see no reason why your Mum should object to a change and she will probably get on just as well with a new team. Worry less about what Mum thinks; she is not in a position to see the full picture. Instead, deal with the problem you face now.