My dad is on end of life care so sad

Very sad my dad is on end of life care after advanced Parkinson’s and cancer I looked after him for a few good years and he is now in a nursing home and it’s just a waiting game as we are not sure when he is going to go he is 89 but he is still my dad and just finding this really hard


Hi Nikki_Anne. My heart goes out to you. Thoughts and Prayers are with you and Dad.

Both Graham and I have been there with both sets of parents and until you are in this situation you never know how it feels.

Graham was with his Mum and Dad when each passed. I was with my Mum. With my Dad, we we’d had a major rift a years or two before but when he was admitted to hospital I did get in to see him 36 hours before he died. He was not responsive and I was warned before going into his room - covid restrictions in place so I was masked and gloved and gowned. He had great Faith and I sat for three hours talking and reciting prayers for/with him. I am convinced he heard me and understood as I was certain I saw his lips moving slightly with the prayers/responses.

It’s an unbelievably hard time, particularly when you have been Caring for the person, but my advice would be to see if you can spend as much time as you can with him. I was due to go back into the hospital to stay with him til the end when I got the call to say it was too late. I wish I had gone in that morning instead of heading to work to sort out a few things. Hindsight is a wonderful thing.

As Dad is in a Nursing Home they will be ready to support you and should accommodate you. Graham stayed two days with him and they provided a visitor’s room so he could shower and change and try to get a little rest. I am sure they will have something similar in palce ready for you.

Do you have siblings or other family locally?

Don’t be afraid to post here when you need more support.

:people_hugging: :heart: :people_hugging:

Yes, just try to be your usual self when you see him. I know it’s all awful, but you need to consider which funeral director to use. Explain the situation, and let the home know. You need to know what he can afford. After the formalities are over, his bank can pay the funeral director immediately from his bank account. No need to pay yourself. (I didn’t know this when the first parent was dying). This means you need to gradually bring his financial information together. Please don’t think me callous, it is all even harder trying to think clearly afterwards. We had 2 sudden deaths in the family). If there is anything we can help you with, please ask.

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I have my brother but he is not been a lot of support. I have good support from my family and friends and I don’t live far from the nursing home it’s just extremely hard xxx


Thank you my brother has treated me awful over the last couple of years and I am being pleasant to him for the sake of my dad yeah we have lots of things that we need to discuss . Xx

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Hi @Nikki_Anne Big hugs

My brothers were always “too busy” to lift a finger to help mum, but as a result she changed her will so they had less.

Hi Nikki_Anne, that is so hard, dealing with a loved one being on end of life care. If you can, try to spend as much time with him as you need to. Even if he can’t communicate, he will still be able to hear you. He will know you are there and will feel your love for him.

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So so sad my dad passed away yesterday and my heart is broken in two I am going to miss him so much :unamused::unamused:


Heartfelt condolences, @Nikki_Anne BIG HUGS
Please be kind to yourself, the mind can play funny tricks and our inner voices are terrible when we’re grieving. Sitting alongside you.

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Nikki, console yourself with the knowledge that dad is no longer suffering.

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Oh Nikki. So sorry to read that inevitable news. Try to keep in mind the happiest times you had with him and keep those closest to your heart. I do hope you managed to get in to visit him again and perhaps were there with him at the end.

No words any of us can give you right now will take away the pain and upset, but just know from those of us who have gone through this, that it will start to get better and the pain you are feeling will ease. I know right now that’s the last thing you want to read, but it is true - and not because you forget Dad, but rather that you can come to terms with him being at peace, while he still lives on in you for you will remember him every day. Try to think of him in his Prime, doing the things he loved and that should help sustain you for the next few months.

I am sure you will find friends will rally round you with comments, condolences and support, but in a few months when they step back a bit, remember - we are here for you. Just one of the things I have seen so often that you can suddenly find yourself “alone” and that’s the time to come chat with us as we will be here for you. You will ALWAYS be a Carer. We know that.

:people_hugging: :two_hearts:

Even though expected it’s still a shock and heartbreak. You will have a busy time for a while with arrangements. Eventually you will adjust, although you may feel like you won’t at the moment. Baby steps.
Try to take care of yourself, it’s important
Feel very much for you (((hugs)))

So sorry to hear your news @Nikki_Anne, even when a death is expected it’s still an awful shock. Please take good care of yourself even though that is probably the last thing you feel like doing at the moment. Thinking of you ((hugs)).

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Thank you everyone for all your comments it’s just so hard been quite busy trying to arrange things but really sad gonna leave a big hole in my life xx I cared for my dad for so long xxx


Still in thoughts and prayers Nikki_Anne


He may not be able to tell you now, but I am sure your dad is very proud of you and thankful for all you have done for him.


This is difficult enough I’m greaving the loss of my dad and I also have to deal with my horrible brother who has been after the money all along and still is he never cared about me or my dad he just didn’t :frowning::frowning:

HUGS @Nikki_Anne let us know if you need any ideas or advice.
We’re all with you

If you are Dad’s Executor then you set the pace of how quickly you deal with things. In that case, brother has to wait! Where there’s a Will, there’s Relatives!