Stress of being a distant carer

[Beatrice_2207]

One of the hardest things to do is to make a life-changing decision, and most of us put those off “until we have to”. Trouble is, choices are usually more limited then. My wife and I took the decision to get our disabled son moved to independent living before a crisis struck and left us unable to choose. Luckily we did: a few years down the line my wife suffered a spinal cord injury that left her using a wheelchair. If we’d left the decision until that point, our choices would have been far more limited and our son would not have the life he does.

With my Mum, we knew the time was coming soon but she still had the capacity to say “no.” Then she had a long spell in hospital during which time the dementia took away her mental capacity to choose and we had to find a home that met her needs and didn’t have any covid cases at the time. It is about 4 miles away, so as long as I’m ok to drive and can afford the petrol we’re fine, but there are two homes in stone throwing distance from our house that might have met her needs if we’d been in a position to choose.

Will start looking, thank you

[bowlingbun]

Beatice, please try to look after yourself as you go through all this.
Unfortunately, nothing happens suddenly unless it’s a serious medical emergency.
It’s a long hard slog, finding the right place, talking to the Matron, making a second visit if it seems promising, quite apart from sorting out the financial side of things which can be another nightmare.
IF you can possibly manage it, have at least one day off from it all every week, to protect your own well being.

[JohnnyBoy]

Hi Beatrice_2207. Sorry to hear about your situation. Being a distant carer is no easy. It’s fine if you can drive, not so if you have to use public transport. I have sympathy for you. Hope you sort things out.