Stabbed in the back?

Hi there, I am a new member and just needed to rant (sorry).
My mother, 88, has lived with me for 18 years and now has vascular dementia diagnosed about 18 months ago. THis is becoming more difficult so I have asked my sister for support but she is not willing as her husband will be disturbed! She lives 300 miles from me but only sees her mother 2 times a year.

I have found out that there is a LPA registered for financial and healh where my sister is the only attorney ( obviously arranged when my mother went to stay on a rare occasion.). This has led to a disagreement and ill feeling between us sisters. So much so that she now reported me to social services for not caring for HER mother properly.
I am at my wits end and have asked her to take her mother but she has refused and said she doesnt want a care home for her either. I also care for my mother in law ,93 and partially sighted and my grandchildren when required. Has anybody got any words of wisdom for me please?
Thanks for reading

As your sister accepted the LPA, it is her responsibility to deal with mum.
If she won’t care for mum herself she can arrange appropriate care and funding. It is NOT your job!!
Talk to the Office of the Public Guardian about the situation.
Has she arranged Attendance Allowance for mum?
Has she been paying you anything for the care you are providing for mum?
Paying for respite care??
I smell a rat. Do you know how much money mum had. Is it all there???

Hello, Sandra. I’m afraid your mother’s condition is likely to get worse. As you say yourself, things are getting more difficult. She needs soon to go into care, where she will be looked after better than you can.

Your sister does not want her to go into a care home. She want you to care for her for free, while she holds on to the money. What a damn cheek!

Follow Bowlingbun’s advice. You are going to need a good lawyer to sort out the finances of this mess.

Ask Social Services for a Needs Assessment, and they can sort out finances with your sister, it’s NOT your job!

If neccessary, SSD can take her to court to sort it out. Maybe she didn’t realise.

Does mum have more or less than £23,000?

With regard to your mother in law, does she live with you as well??

Hi Sandra, welcome to our forum

This sounds like a really difficult situation for you, have you thought about coming along to one of our Care for a Cuppa sessions? We’re running series of online weekly meet ups for carers to get together and chat informally every Monday afternoon. Many of our members have said they’ve found the sessions really helpful and supportive and it’s nice to be able to take a little bit of time for yourself. There’s no pressure to share any more than you’re comfortable with. Join up details are here: … ne-meetups

Do join if you’d like to

Best wishes