I posted earlier on in the year that my s-i-l who cares for my mum-in-law , had taken a bad fall .We are months later and things have become very serious .SIL can’t raise her head at all , it sits on her chest and she can only look down .She is 60 and very little progress has been made to get her the help she needs .We now have carers going in for MIL and SIL .She has yet to receive a chin support , the results of her bone density scan or anything that significantly helps .They announced several weeks after her fall that SIL has suffered life changing injuries and she will never be the same .
She is awaiting an appointment at a London Hosp for fractures .
Her daughter Kate is 40 and has a 14 year old daughter .Kate is now having to sleep over at her mum’s house to keep SIL AND MIL safe .She needs to move in with them but here lies the problem , Runnymede Council have told her that once Kate gives up her tenancy on her flat , she will not be able to ever go on the tenancy of her mum and nan’s house ,as her mum once had her ex husbands name on it, and they only allow ONE change of tenancy .It is not a case of overcrowding - MIL AND SIL sleep in the lounge downstairs as they are aren’t mobile .So the 2 upstairs rooms are free .They have been told it is NOT an exceptional case !!! and that Kate will officially have no tenancy if her mum and nan die .
Citizens Advice has been fully explored and they can’t help .This really is a tragic situation and we are desperate for suggestions on how Kate make the move ,look after her relatives and not end up homeless .
I think it’s for the best that Kate can’t move, it’s an impossible work load.
My mum couldn’t lift her head for years, she had a rare condition called Hyperostosis, sometimes referred to as DISH or Forrestiers Disease. Mum and I were more or less the same height at 5ft 9". She became so bent that she was permanently looking at her belly button. The knock on effect was that it was difficult for her to digest anything as her stomach was so squashed up.
SIL and mum need to either have paid carers come into the house, maybe funded by NHS Continuing Healthcare, or they need to move into residential care.
I know this isn’t what you wanted to hear, but sometimes we carers have to face the facts and accept things that we would rather not.
BB - I totally agree .MIL has dementia , SIL seems to be getting worse .It is no life for Kate or her daughter .They have carers going in now , but nobody overnight which is danger time for falls .
Unfortunately MIL did horrifically bad when she was taken into hosp and then brief respite .SIL and MIL are joined the hip BUT I still think your idea is the right one, as they could go into a home together .
It seems terribly selfish to me to allow Kate and her daughter write off their lives .They fought hard to get their flat but because they are a close knit family they feel they should step in and help .Obviously , it will wreck Kate’s mental health but she can’t see that .
She won’t listen to me but I just hope it works out right for them .
How do they get night time carers ? should they ask the social worker ?
Night time carers are very difficult to get funding for, unless someone has been awarded Continuing Healthcare. This is something the GP should be dealing with, but all too often they are ignorant about CHC procedures.
Have a look at the CHC Framework, but it’s a real battle to get in some parts of the country.
Residential care at the same place would probably be the best practical solution, however much easier said than done.
Have they both had a Needs Assessment from Social Services? If their needs were properly assessed, and they had Direct Payments so could arrange their own care, or have it arranged for them, that would spread the hours of support as far as possible.
Do they each have Lifeline pendants?