To start off with let me just say I am not suicidal, so don’t let the title of this post convince you otherwise. Anyway, I have been a carer for my sister, who has epilepsy and can’t be left home alone, because she might have a sezuire and everyone would blame me. I’m 24 and in February, I’m giving up being a carer and letting my mother do the job instead. I live with my sister, stepfather and mother and have two other older sisters, who don’t live with me. Anyway, when I give up, hopefully that’ll mean I will have more time to do things for myself. However, I will have to attend meetings, as I will be on other benefits and attend to the job centre every two weeks, which gets me out of the house I suppose, but it still sucks. I want to get a job and hopefully some friends to go with it, as currently I have none and feel rather lonely, though I’d never admit that in speech. The reason I’m a carer is because my mother has got a job and so has my Stepfather and both are out of the house pretty much all the time. I don’t have to do a lot with the caring job and I do get paid every week, which is actually pretty helpful. But I’m stuck in the house everyday, and I probably have a drinking problem. All I want is a normal life, with a job, money, friends and maybe even a girlfriend, though right now I’ve got more chances of winning the lottery.
I just don’t know why I have to deal with all this crap, when nobody else does. It seems that everyone else gets a good life, whereas me, I get this one.
You sound more than ready to have a life of your own.
Don’t feel you are the only one in your situation though, this forum us full of people, with their lives on hold due to caring.
Why did February get chosen as the time you stop caring?
As you are at home, have you considered doing any online courses raise your chances of getting a job?
Do you go out in the evenings once your parents are home?
You say you are paid to look after your sister, do you mean Carers Allowance?
How old is your sister? Does she want to stay at home or would she like to go to residential college, for example, as there are some which support those with severe epilepsy, which I’m assuming she must have, if she needs 24/7 care or supported living etc?
Hi Anthony,
There’s nothing wrong with wanting to branch out on your own and give up the ‘sort of’ job of being your sister’s carer. How old is she by the way? I hope you have discussed this with your Mum and stepdad and also your sister? It would be a recipe for disaster and major home upset if you suddenly announced, out of the blue, that you were quitting. Your sister needs to be reassured that it isn’t her ‘fault’ and if Mum has to quit her job, that has a big effect on family finances and Mum’s well being too.
How did this situation come into being? Did you willingly take it on in a teenage ‘doing not much for good pocket money’ frame of mind or were you asked or told to do it? A case of Anthony hasn’t got a job so he is the convenient person to watch of his sister? However it came about, you are a grown man now and should indeed be planning and working towards your future. Fun, friends and romance are what every young adult wants in their life but a mature person understands that those are earned by hard work and holding down a permanent job. I’m sure you are not expecting to live the high life on benefits!
Have you got a goal to work towards?
It is your parent’s responsibility to ensure that your sister gets the care she needs and is also enabled to live independently. (What happens to her if they were unable to look after her at all?). I would say that they should also be encouraging you towards independence and a stable future. You are just as important as any of your siblings but Mum, Stepdad and sister are also in the frame and no-one should be sacrificed for the good of another. Planning and compromise may be the way forward.
KR
I would expect your mood would improve if you were able to take some courses towards getting a job and establishing a different routine. You’d be more independent, meet people and generally have more interests and responsibilities, rather than watching your sister at home.