Should my partner travel home to her 18-year-old daughter?


My name is Simon. My partner, Kelly, is 47 years old and has high blood pressure and also suffers from anxiety and depression. She is currently here with me in Wales but lives with her 18-year-old daughter in Liverpool. Her daughter is a college student and also works for Tesco, so she is often in an environment where this virus could be picked up. Kelly is beside herself with worry. She feels so bad for not having already returned home to her daughter to look after her but at the same time she is very worried she may contract the virus, both on her long journey home, which she will have to make by train, and also whilst at home with her daughter coming and going to work. If Kelly contracts the virus there is a good possibility it will take her life since she has high blood pressure. It could be a flip of a coin. If she stays with me she would have a good chance of survival. I have food delivered and have purchased good quality personal protection equipment. I have a room set aside solely for decontamination and clean anything that is delivered. I’m doing what I can.

What should Kelly do? Should she stay here for a while and risk alienating her daughter and family, or should she go home to her daughter? Her daughter is obviously very worried and needs her mother, she has been crying on the phone for her mother to come home. Kelly asked her daughter if she would stop working and self-isolate at home for a while, but she said that she has a moral duty to carry on working as she is responsible for getting people’s online deliveries to them. Kelly also spoke to her daughter about having a safety routine in place for when she comes home from work, but in all honesty her daughter doesn’t take well to being given requests and pretty much pooh-poohed the idea. She can be quite difficult at times.

I myself have taken a very cold stance and told Kelly that her best chance of survival would be to stay here for a while, but I fully understand her predicament. It’s an awful decision to have to make.

The government advice tonight is that boyfriend/girlfriends should not be visiting each other. Everybody needs to stay in one place and not move from house to house. I think, since she is at yours now and her daughter is an adult she should stay where she is.

My daughter is in a similar position. Her boyfriend is over here about 3 times a week and she stays at his weekends but as of last night this has had to stop.

OK, thank you. Kelly is so upset right now and so am I actually. She had ordered a taxi to take her to the train station in the early hours of tomorrow morning, which has made it hit home with me. Since seeing your answer however she has cancelled the taxi to give it more time to think, so thank you very much. It’s such an awful situation for so many people. I hope everyone remains safe and well. Thanks.

Hello Simon

As well as the helpful responses you’ll receive from other members on the Forum, I’d recommend reading the coronavirus guidance on the Carers UK website. This guidance includes a section titled, ‘Do I need to stay away from the person I care for?’. You can also click through to some Frequently Asked Questions. The guidance is being updated regularly and I hope will help you and Kelly to make your decision.

Wishing you and your family well