I’m new here and 3 days ago didn’t think I would need to be here.
I had a call from my mother on Friday afternoon who was in a panic.
She doesn’t live close but was very concerned for the welfare of my grandmother who is 81.
Her “life line” provider called my mother and said she couldn’t get in touch with my Nan and that her lifeline had been disconnected. …( I’ll refer to my nan as Kath for ease. )
My mother hasn’t be able to get in touch with her for 3 days. I was asked to go and check on her as I love close by.
It’s important for me to point out that Kath lives independently, has a busy social life and is a very capable and well lady over all.
Upon arrival I thought Kath had been burgled. Her home was destroyed… and I can’t emphasise that enough. Everything broken. Mirowave upstairs, mattresses upturned, electrics blown, phone lines ripped out, tv thrown out of the window, clothes hanging out of the window, marriage, birth, death certificates of late grandad in the garden and ruined, photos in the toilet and bath (full of water) curtains in the bath, glass everywhere, almost everything from upstairs was downstairs and vice versa, fresh meat upstairs you name it. My nan was in the spare room, on the bed base wet through and soiled. The house was dark and freezing, as was she. She was filthy, but she had the thickest layer of makeup on, she looked like a clown.
She was very angry and told me she was “making monuments”
She was so vile and angry… we managed to get her to the hospital where she is currently being assessed. (Not much progress over the weekend due to the Corona Virus and stretched resources)
What we do know is that she doesn’t have an infection. She recognises everyone but has said the most hateful things - even about her 7 year old great granddaughter.
She’s spouting religion and very inappropriate sexual comments. She is very hard for the ward to handle. This is all in 48 hours and we are all in complete shock.
Has anyone experienced anything like this?!
Last week she hosted afternoon tea for 9 family members!
Can dementia come on so suddenly like this? We are looking for answers and we are all completely heartbroken that we seem to have lost our beloved Nan over night
Hello Jen. Welcome to the forum
Could be lots of reasons.
Sudden psychosis. A hidden stroke. Hard as it is I would wait for the tests to be completed. The things Kath says are not meant, obviously not the Nan you know.
My lovely late husband had delirium after strokes. He was horrible, said awful things to everyone. He sadly had vascular dementia diagnosed a few weeks later. However for at least a year before that diagnosis he was showing signs. Kath hopefully will get diagnosed, given the correct treatment etc.
It’s horrible for you all. Try really hard not to take things personally. Talk to her consultant and ask for the worst case scenario.
In the meantime, you must take care of yourself, your family must take care too, it’s very important.
Jen, I don’t know what caused this crazy behaviour, but there must be no question of her going anywhere until the cause is properly investigated. I’m wondering if she had some sort of stroke or seizure, something is clearly desperately wrong.
For the time being, concentrate on making sure the property is secure, and all valuables that have survived are removed to a safe place.
Take some photos of the state of the place.
Keep a diary, and tell mum to do the same.
Make a note of everyone you speak to. Their name, position, what was said and what was agreed. This is vital.
Tell nan’s insurance company that the house is currently empty, and also let the Police know.
Come back here whenever you like, we will support you all we can.
Hello Jen
I understand what you are going through completely as something like this happened to me with my mum. I found her in her chair in tears as she wanted to go to church and couldn’t find the keys. This was a Thursday evening not Sunday and she had emptied every cupboard and drawer (and even the freezer) in the house to try and find them but they were on the table next to her. She had been fine the week before and we have never found out what happened. She was very difficult to live with- angry, refusing to let people in, accusing people of stealing her things and refusing to eat and drink.
That was 5 years ago and although she isn’t my mum anymore she is happy, relatively healthy and she knows us all even if she has completely forgotten how to use anything electric, for which I am very grateful as I had far rather have it that way round than the other.
I suppose what I trying to say is don’t give up hope- there are lots of reasons for your grandmothers condition and they are often treatable to some extent or another. Things will improve and you will be able to cope. At the moment the important thing is she is in a safe place and you need to be able to do the practical things that others have suggested particularly getting the house back in order and rescuing the important photos and memorabilia that will be important to her again one day.
It is hard but definitely ignore her remarks. Dementia is a funny impairment. Has she had a proper needs assessment? I recommend explaining the situation to your local social services team tomorrow morning pronto via email or phone.
You are in my prayers!
My Mum and I were looking after my lovely Dad with mild dementia and physical disabilities. We were coping with carers helping with washing dad and getting dad to bed. Looking back Mum was exhausted. I received a call from dad’s carer to say things weren’t good. Dad’s meds were all over the floor. Mum didn’t know who I was. She was checked for a urine infection and low potassium, straight to hospital. This happened within a day of my seeing mum. I moved in to be with Dad, juggled time to visit mum in hospital. Dad went into respite care for a week. He contracted pheumonia He died without coming home. I cannot forgive myself for this. Dad was the loveliest of people. Mum is in a care home. I can’t visit. I fear I’ll lose her the same way.
