Rock and a Hard Place


Thank you for all the advice in the past, so yet again I am back for some helpful tips and guidance.

My wife, a survivor of abuse, about a year ago became actively suicidal due to a variety of factors, which can be seen on another one of my posts. I therefore had to take time out from training to be a teacher to care for her and our 2 young girls. She had intensive support put in, meds changed and added. And it helped. She became better at managing her emotions and I could guide her through the hard times with support of the various professionals.

So I am meant to be returning to my course in January, and oh so helpfully nearly all professionals, because of funding/she is doing better have decided to withdraw services now or next month or so. So I am massively stressed about going back, both personally from being able to do the course again/what it will bring back but also how she is going to cope. And she is on the edge of a dip again, as she is feeling isolated, as her support network will again be only me (when I’m not at school). The friends she has are needy, so she says she’s having a bad day wanting someone to talk things through with and they come back with oh really, so am I this has happened to me. Not what she needs.

So she is on the edge of a massive dip again, which I am doing my best to prevent. But I am left in a position being either going back and things might be fine or might go massively wrong or I don’t return this year, take another year out and being tight financially. What do I do?

So tough for you all. So frustrating that services are being withdrawn when she is doing well. I think definitely worth challenging this if you haven’t already? Explain how the situation will be changing in January and that you disagree with the decision to remove support?

What will your wife do in the day whilst you are at your course? Is she looking after your girls? If not, are there any other activities locally she could get involved with? We have a project local to us where people with mental health issues can work to gain confidence and skills in a safe space. There are customer facing roles in a café, plus back of house in a plant nursery, print shop. I wonder if there is anything like that near you?

Best of luck, it really isn’t easy. x

Our youngest is at nursery 4 mornings a week, so will be looking after her in the afternoons and Friday. Her plan while she’s at nursery is to go to the gym (we both joined recently to get fit and help her with her body confidence and self-esteem) and then walk our dogs before going to collect her.

My main dilemma is that if I go back, she dips to the point I have to take time out, I can’t redo the course again. If I take another year out, to make sure she is in a better place then complete course and everything is good. But then have another 12 months of financial tightness. I know money isn’t everything but it allows you the freedom to live without worrying about ensuring food is on the table and bills getting paid.

Use Craigslist to find a local job you can do. Or look at remote work. I often work close to home because of my brother. I mostly see clients in and around Epsom, Ewell or Chessington. I’m a freelance massage therapist and part time childcare provider. Does she have paid for carers or not? And yes money is important.