Ridiculous Situation

I get carers, £66 ESA a fortnight and PIP at standard rate. My adult son I care for lives with me and is on twice as much money as me but i have all the bills, phones, Sky, BB, utilities, food, Netflix, catalogue etc and his twin, who has no income, living with us. Seriously. I am like how, just how is this supposed to work? During lockdown I’ve had to buy expensive food shops cos all the cheap stuff has gone. I live on my overdraft and am constantly borrowing off my son money I can never pay back. He’s getting annoyed, understandably. I feel guilty.

Welcome to the forum.

Please can you tell us a bit more about the son you care for?
What sort of care does he need.?
What benefits does he receive?
Are you his appointee.

What is your other son’s situation?
Why does he have no income at all, not even benefits?

Do you live in rented or owned accommodation?

Do both of your sons feel that it’s your responsibility to pay for everything or do they contribute to their upkeep?

If they don’t contribute already it’s high time that they did, that’s how it works.

If there’s not enough money coming in to pay for food and utility bills then luxuries like Sky and Netflix etc. have to go, they’re not essential.


My adult son with disabilities pays towards his upkeep from his benefit money.

Don’t feel guilty about doing this!

I agree with Ayjay.

Your sons should be paying for their keep - food, 1/3 bills, 1/3 rent/mortgage. Likewise the luxuries such as Netflix or whatever. Their benefits are to cover the cost of living and if they had their own homes (whether that is supported living or whatever - they would be paying for these things.


If someone on benefits goes into residential care, they are left with about £25-£30 pocket money, the rest is supposed to go towards all the “hotel” costs as I call them. Their benefits are NOT theirs to do as they please! If your son is disabled, he should keep £25 plus any mobility benefits that he should then use for BOTH of you, if you need to go with him!!

I always urge anyone whose disabled child is approaching 16 years old and entitled to Income Support, to become that person’s DWP Appointee, and for the parent to manage the money until such time as that person moves into Supported Living or residential care. Otherwise, they won’t be able to manage!!