My Mum is in her late 70’s, lives close but alone. I am a working parent to a young child.
We have a close relationship but it has it’s difficulties. Mum is controlling in her behavior with me. Feels she should never have to ask me for anything, I should just know! She talks in a way that often makes me feel guilty even though I do everything she wants. I have never done what I wanted to do because she plays the guilt card. She is also very critical of me and I do feel we have a dependent relationship.
She suffers with anxiety and has for a long time. She is very negative, can’t make any decisions, always poorly with sickness etc due to her anxiety. She has distorted thinking, anxiety attacks and a very selfish attitude.
I listen to her constantly and offer help and advice. Some of the issues she has are self inflicted eg her terrible diet, drinking 15 cups of coffee per day etc.
My problem is that dealing with her emotions, worries etc is making me poorly. I also suffer with anxiety and I am struggling to cope with Mum. I feel like she never leaves me alone, that her problems are my problems and that it has got to a point, over a long time, that I can no longer offer a shoulder to cry on. I am starting to resent it. I want to run away and not deal with her for a while and these thoughts make me feel selfish and guilty and a bad daughter.
I feel trapped. I am even looking at Jobs elsewhere and imagining what it would be like to be somewhere else! I feel my life is not my own and that I will never become anything I have to stay close by and do my duty. Ihave a brother but he lives 4 hours away so it’s just me and he left for the same reason. He lived with Mum for years and was becoming her friend, carer, confident. He left and I understand why and don’t resent him a thing. We both love her so much but we should have the right to live our lives.
She is mobile and is physically very well for her age but she won’t go out. She went to a craft class and only went a few times because she said two ladies had fallen out with her (they hadn’t)
I have told her she needs to go to her GP and get some help.
How can I help myself and still give her the care she needs. She has no friends, only me and I am so scared this will get worse.
Thanks for listening. Xxx