Really tired lately

I’m so tired doing so much and mentally drained and not sleeping well for months .
Feeling resentful and angry sometimes as my husband’s laid up everyday and night then I feel quirky as he’s in so much pain.
In the house everyday constant chores nothing is easy anymore constant stress of my husband’s health issues non stop and up and down the hospital with all the appointments.

Tell us more

Hi we are in our mid forties my husband has osteomyelitis chronic in one foot and cellulitis in the other that won’t go away and he has rheumatoid arthritis all over and osteo arthritis in most joints .
We don’t get any support really and having professionals in isn’t an option, I’m just so tired and drained with it all and doing so much too .

Kate, you sound utterly exhausted, you can’t go on like this or you will make yourself ill.

I’ve had cellulitis several times, ending up with two courses of antibiotics at the same time and injections at the hospital every day. It really made me feel very poorly.

Are you trying to do all the work two people would normally share? It’s an easy trap to fall into.

The only solution is having an extra pair of hands to help with things like cleaning and tidying up. It would also mean that someone was in the house so you could escape for a while without worrying so much about your husband. Does he have a Lifeline pendant to summon help if you are unavailable? Why do you feel it’s not an option?

Hi bowlingbun,
No he doesn’t have a pendant where would I be able to get one from ?.
The reason for not having people in is he’s too proud .
Finances aren’t great but we are getting the benefits we’re entitled to , otherwise I could pay someone to do certain jobs .

Did your cellulitis clear up eventually? We keep endyup with him on antibiotics and ivs all the time and operation after operation on the osteomyelitis in the other foot which is an infection in the bone they have been trying to save his leg from amputation for 3 years now .

Pride is fine in the right context, but frankly it’s dangerous here. You need a break or you’ll be needing care. Then your husband really will be in a mess.

He needs to understand that and accept outside help. It’s a stark choice, and one that many people have had to deal with. It’s ok to have help.

Agree that you sound exhausted Kate. Could you see or speak to your GP? I agree with Charles that if you do not get your husband to accept outside help, you will no longer be able to care for him.

Pride spoiled my mum’s life. She became a hermit, never going anywhere or doing anything for years because she had a bent back. She wouldn’t have carers either, repeatedly saying “I can manage” even when I was going to have major cancer surgery and was told never to care for anyone ever again! Only after mum had a prolonged hospital stay, about 5 months in total, did the penny finally drop, she could choose between carers at home, or a care home. I was recovering from surgery and couldn’t do my own shopping, never mind hers!!

Your husband needs to put your wellbeing much higher than his pride!
If you love him enough to sacrifice an awful lot for him, shouldn’t he love you enough to let you have help in the home.
How would he manage without you?

My cellulitis cleared up completely after the 3 lots of antibiotics, but having had it once, I got it again a while later. Fortunately I recognised the symptoms immediately, rang the doctor and got antibiotics immediately. I holiday in Crete most years, twice I’ve felt it coming on yet again after a mosquito bite on the lower leg. Fortunately the pharmacies there are very good, they gave me some cream containing an antibiotic, which worked very quickly.
One thing that might help your husband, but do check before buying, is a “Circulation Booster” of a “Revitive” as advertised by Ian Botham. I used one after my second knee replacement when my knee swelled, within a very short time all the swelling went right down in my feet as well as the knee. It works by electric muscle stimulation, which sounds drastic, but is actually very comfortable.

Pride before a fall.

Mind you don’t fall.

In a blunt nutshell:-
You need to get a care needs assessment for your husband and a carers needs assessment for you before you fall ill and are taken away in an ambulance.

Be your own best friend and call social services.

Hi thanks for all your replies ,
Yes I think I’ll call and get an assessment as I’m constantly exhausted and aching .

Good luck.