Persuading mum I need to take poa

I have had power of attorney for a few years since mum had a stroke. She’s now got dementia- on a good day she’s fine, but on a bad day she’s struggling. She was never very good at budgeting and for the last few years I’ve been doing all her finances however she’s had her own cards for when she needs them. I buy all the shopping, presents, pay when she goes out and pay the bills. So she only needs it for pocket money.

In the past she’s run up debts and I’ve worked hard to pay it off. Recently she’s started buying loads of stuff off the internet, tv and has spent all her meagre savings.

I’m now worried she won’t be able to cover her credit card bill next month and already doesn’t have enough to pay for work needed to be done on the house. Which is got started before all of this spending.

Long story short how do I persuade her that she’s going to need to give up her cards? I can’t cope with her randomly spending money neither of us can pay back.

Hi Amy,

BB posted elsewhere:

by bowlingbun » Mon Jun 17, 2019 1:51 pm
Might be worth mentioning that my son has a Cashplus gold card,
I put money on it at the beginning of the week, and he CANNOT overdraw.
It’s an online account, so if he goes to the shop even five minutes before I speak to him on the phone, I know exactly how much he has spent!

You could put her “pocket money” on one of these and once it’s gone, it’s gone until the next week.


In a carer / caree relationship between a parent and their child , the roles are usually reversed.

As the " Parent " , i would take all cards off them , cut in half with a pair of scissors … as would most parents do
when their kids are too spendthrift … and then give them one of BB’s " Special cards " … a cashpoint gold card or
whatever passes for one from a different issuer.

Even change all passwords … if possible … to stop Internet spending without you being present.

In essence , a practical example of the " Duty of Care " … even " Safeguarding " when it comes to monies.

You’ll not find that in any textbook but … it works !

Straight out of our very own unwritten textbook of practical day to day caring as is … in CarerLand.

It’s a real shame it’s gone this far. As you have POA, move all the money coming in, to a new account.
Whether or not mum likes it, she gave you POA so that if she couldn’t deal with anything, you would.

My son with LD has a “Cashplus” gold card, I pay £10 into the account every week, so that’s his pocket money. If he tries to spend more than there is available on the card, it is declined.

I know mum won’t like this idea, but clearly she has lost touch with reality.

However, did you know that anyone with dementia is EXEMPT from Council Tax, and this exemption can be backdated to the day of diagnosis.
What benefits is mum currently receiving?

When did mum last have a Needs Assessment from Social Services? W
When did you last have a Carers Assessment?