Partner with BPD

I’m new to the forum and to be perfectly honest have never reached out before.
I have a partner of 3 years who can be the most loving and kind hearted gent Elam ever. It was this as well as his mind tactility that grew me to love him more and more. However as time went on it became clear he struggled with his mental health and would often get up and leave and not contact me for days at a time. He would profusely policies when he felt better and return to the all loving man again. After a year together he was diagnosed with BPD. He hasn’t tolerated meds so tried on exercise and mindfulness, diet etc.
He still has peaks but of late he is having an increase in his symptoms and often displaced these into me. He passively critisises my dress sense,becomes angry and irascible putting me on eggshells , has told me he no longer wants to marry me but wants to spend the rest of his life with me, walks out of the house and refuses to speak for days .
I understand how you have gone patient with BPD and your own response to their emotional needs but how much do you guys tolerate? I feel a bit of a weakling just now and very affected, certainly unloved and confused…,

Hi Kayen … welcome to … CarerLand.


Before others come along and provide some support / help / guidance from their experiences , a couple
of links to the acknowledged experts out there … MIND :

( BPD … definition )

( BPD … for family and friends )

When it comes to mental health … BPD … there is NO one size fits all solution.

Quiet on the forum as I type … I hope others will be along shortly.

You are NOT a weakling at all.

You have a big decision looming, do you want to spend the rest of this man, as he is. Accept that it’s difficult to change?

If he can’t even tell you when he’s struggling, that’s a bad sign to me. What YOU wear is part of the person YOU ARE. He should respect you for thatn, not try to change it.

Hi Kayren,
This is not my area of expertise, I don’t have personal experience, but I’m wondering if couples counselling would help. He is the one with the BPD but together you are in a partnership and for that to work, both your needs, need to be met. With the help of a counsellor you might be able to find a way to make this work. If not, or if he isn’t prepared to try, then you need to think hard about what you want your future to look like.


I know very little about this but to me the big question would be can you seperate the person from the behaviours? If not then think about getting disentangled from this relationship before your lives get more intertwined. If you can then looking for help is the best thing you could do. Keep looking in as many different places as you can and if you really want to make it work you’ll find a way.

If you want children think about what effect it’ll have on their lives too. Maybe that’s what he’s telling you when he says he doesn’t want to marry you any more.