Partner of someone with BPD - Need Advice

Hi all,

I’m new to this forum and I’m currently in a new relationship with someone who has BPD,

We started dating back in November 2020, and over the course of several months he told me about his BPD and I have heard about this but until recently haven’t done much research, At first he was reluctant to share this with me as he feared rejection, which is only natural. He shared some stories about his past and I have been completely supportive.

He does often switch with no warning, ie he would ignore me for days then he would return to his normal self, I feel perhaps I struggle with the ignoring part and I constantly reassure him that I have no intention of rejecting him, that my feelings for him are real and genuine.

It’s his 26th Birthday today and we did arrange for me to go and spend some time together, but on Monday he said he was going to families and that he wants me to go on Thursday instead. But since we last spoke yesterday morning he has been ignoring my attempts to make contact. Perhaps he doesnt like birthdays, as he told he doesnt like Christmas and he prefers to be alone. I would like some tips and advice how I can approach and communicate with him on these occasions. As much as it hurts when this happens, I have no intention leaving him as I want to be supportive and someone who he can rely on for unconditional support. I do plan when we next speak is to discuss boundaries for us both, so that he can trust me and doesnt fear abandonment, I have spent days researching this condition, as myself I suffer from mental health, also I work in mental health but in the breavement field.

I just wish I knew what to say to him so that he doesnt fear the worst, and to be an supportive bit patient partner who only wants the best for him, but as the research suggests, I also need to take care of myself, suggesting to have a discussion about setting boundaries for both of us as I have in the past said something which for me was a compliment but he saw it differently.

I thank you for your time and I look forward to your advice and tips. And if you need more information from me please dont hesitate to ask.