Hi,
My name is Moira. My 28 year old son has a long history of being diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrom, then abusing Cannabase from the age of 15 to now. He has had a couple of big disappointments over the last 2 years, with jobs, and friends. These seemed to send him into a suicidal state, which I diagnosed as depression, and over-sensitivity.
He often works overseas, and then comes back to me. The last 6 months have been a deteriorating situation. First of all, he lost an opportunity to become a permanant employee (after working zero hours contracts), which he took personally. Then he spent 3 months, in what seemed like depression, not eating, Cannabis usage, not sleeping.
When Covid-19 happened, and his plans for his future disappeared, he descended into paranoia. He would not often tell me, and when he did, most of it was MY fault! One day, he told me that he was going to commit suicide in the next 24 hours, and as he had cut his arm so violently and badly 6 years ago, I took it seriously.
Crisis came and he volunteered to go into a psychiatric hospital. On the first night there he broke his IPad, and cut his arms all over needeing stitches. In the hospital he was diagnosed with Cannabis induced mental health disorder, and sent ‘home’ to me.
He is now refusing all of the early intervention in prevention of psychosis, or any other help, and has discharged himself from their care. His delusions are based in reality, but one or two times, this was tied up with conspiracy theories, and ‘they are all out to get me’.
One thing I do not understand right now, is WHY he wants to stay with me? After all the litany of complaints about my actions in getting him help, or being somehow involved in his delusions makes no sense.
I fear for the future, if he will not accept something as mild as CBT. Sometimes, in despair, I know he will take his life, and that part of me will feel free of this 15 years of insanity. Does this make me a bad person? No, I am realistic enough to know that I will not be around much longer as I am 68, and have health issues. Would it be better for him to insist that he moves out?