Hi all … I’m not new but this is my first post and like so many I’m not alone in being burnt out!
I have been my wife’s carer for 13 years after she had a large brain tumour removed and she was left Paralysed down the left side with short term memory loss (2009)
I have managed well alone till the first lockdown (March 2020) when we both had covid. I managed to care for my wife although having the very worst flu like symptoms for a week, but her mental health then deteriorated as we went into lockdown and were unable to get any help. Her mental issues have now increased enormously and has very broken sleep and that never fits in with life, the sleep medication worked at first but no longer. During 2021 I was taken into Hospital with suspected heart attack and also was discovered I have long covid plus severe sleep apnoea that also explained my sudden gain of 5 stone in weight, my dear wife was taken into care but over a few months I lost the weight and now sleep with a CPAP machine and have medication for angina. I’m now 63 my wife 60 and the SS asked in Dec 21 if help was supplied at home would I be prepared to have Mandy home and of course I said yes.
The help didn’t come for a long time and my health has gone down hill again as Mandy’s mental health worsens. I have been asking for more help but it only arrives in small amounts after we go into crisis. I have again been awake since 1am and never recover from the endless sleepless nights and endless trips to the toilet as she won’t use a pad unless actually asleep, her condition makes her want the toilet around 4-5 times an hour in the day luckily not quit so bad at night and then the torturous repetitive questions. I’m unable to leave the room as she cries out for me and I have to be with her when she goes to bed. I’m burnt out and now shut in the other room listening to her cries as I type this. If I could just sleep half the problems would would go.
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You can’t go on like this.
Is your GP aware of how it is affecting you?
Does your wife?
HI Andrew,
sleep deprivation especially longterm makes life unbearably hard. It sounds like you need emergency respite for your wife so that you can catch up on much needed sleep and have a break. This will enable you to work out what the future should look like for you and your wife.
When my auntie’s needs became too great for my cousin to manage, she went into a care but my cousin took her out and about and had her stay to some weekends. Would this be a compromise?
Melly1