Good Evening all, I’m really sorry to post such a long message, but I’m wondering if any one has any advice on getting social care to increase a care package?
My elderly mother lives with me and I’m just not coping. Like really, really not coping! And her condition is just going to get worse!
She has carers 4 times a day, but I’m picking up the slack. They come at the wrong time and so I have to do lots for her. Averaging 14 hours a week, often up to 20. I know that doesn’t sound much but it’s on top off a very demanding full time job where I’m out the house from roughly 8 - 6. And that amount is also an underestimation - I’ve been logging only direct care hours and taking time ‘off’ when I do things like make a cuppa for me whilst she’s in the loo! (Not that I ever get to drink it!), and it doesn’t account for the little things - I’m sure everyone here knows the dreaded feeling that comes with them saying 'can you just do x, y or z? ’ - normally when you’re juggling 7 other little jobs for them / running out the door cause you’re late for work AGAIN!. And it certainly doesn’t account for the fact you’re always ‘on’ and never really get an actual break.
Anyway, it’s got so I actually hate and resent my mum. I have no life now. I hate and resent my sister as she lives in a different (but closeby) town and so - whilst she really does do what she can - she gets to go away when suits her and have a life. I’m trapped.I feel like there’s no end and it terrifies me that my life is slipping away. Therefore I find myself like a teenager - I’m shouting at my mum, being snappy with her and deliberately not hearing her when she’s making her latest demand . Clearly, the caring role is not for me! I’ve been tried, and judged and found very wanting! But I’m happy to accept that and I now know that can’t go on so I’ve been looking at live in care. It’s that or I’m selling my home and moving on my own into a tiny flat on a small island far away.
I know I’m going to have to fund some of that myself but mum’s package is clearly inadequate if I’m having to do so much direct care. How can I make social care see this so that I don’t end up bankrupt or loosing my house in my attempt to cling to my last thread of sanity? I don’t expect them to fund it all, but we’ve worked out she needs 41 hours care and she’s getting less than half that!
Sorry for the rant! Hope someone can help!
L