No longer against DNAR

If you are against DNAR this might give you another look and angle to it.

I was absolutely against my mother having DNAR
I was adamant that I would make paramedics do resus.
That’s my mindset, I was the one at parties dealing with the person who slashed their wrists or the self harmer who went too far.

Last year a paramedic broached DNAR, we had a discussion where I changed my mind about it, albeit I would still want to make them do it but I won’t now. The bare bones of our conversation:-

Him: DNAR would be a brutal and violent death for her, she’s so frail she won’t survive it.

Me: There’s a chance she might - never say never!

Him: Do you want to watch us killing your mother in a painful death

Me: I would rather hold and comfort her

So the DNAR form was done via the GP
I hate it, I really do and had many tears over it.
But her 90 year old body is too frail for resus so it is the better and humane way.
I hope it doesn’t come to that but if it does, it is in place.

In the early days of covid a paramedic tried to enforce a DNAR on her saying that paramedics can now decide wether to do it or not - I refused and told him that is genocide of the elderly and if mother needs resus he will do it (she didn’t). Then he went and spoke with my mother about it when I expressly told him not to, told him she’s ill and she’s grieving the loss of a daughter, don’t go there, but he did. I told him he could have caused a heart attack or stroke doing that to her and I’d told him not to and he was out of order.

Sarcasm kicked in and I asked him if he was getting commission for DNARs!
He really was on a mission.
Any paramedic or Dr on scene or at hospital can now make the DNAR decision so I don’t see the point in the DNAR form for my mother now because they won’t do it anyway according to him.
However, she has just in case any of them are of a mind to try resus because I don’t want her having a painful and brutal death which if it wasn’t by medical staff would be seen as assault and murder if it was on the street I suppose.

Obviously a very personal issue.
In my husband’s line of work he witnessed DNR many times. His conversations with me about it were upsetting. Words to me were don’t you let them to it to me! I followed his wishes and had it put in place. Fortunately on that score it wasn’t needed.
I have it in writing that I do not want DNR. Not sure my daughter’s are comfortable with it. They understand never the less.
It’s like POA, hoping it’s never needed but who knows.

My frail mum had a conversation with a senior doctor, who explained what it would involve. The other option was “to let nature take it’s course” which mum chose. She’d been increasingly fed up with being disabled for 30 years. Thanks for raising this issue, it needs to be in my will!

My Mum has a DNAR in place. She has a very dodgy heart and dementia. One or other will get her. If the dementia gets her first, there’s no point in resuscitation. Her quality of life is much lower than it was even 5 years ago due to the dementia.

Her heart is such that CPR would almost certainly damage the faulty valve replacement she had 4 years ago. And if it didn’t, and she survived, the vascular dementia would take a downturn.

And either way, CPR almost invariably results in broken ribs, and sometimes a cracked sternum, making breathing painful.

I’ve no doubt what Mum’s decision would be, and I’ve gone with that.

Logically, dead easy. Emotionally, not so easy. But necessary.

I think the “AND” option should be offered “Allow a Natural Death”. This is more broad than DNR which just refers to heart resussitation but it sounds so much more “friendly” and doesn’t leave anyone with guilt about making the decision.



I agree.