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HI, I’m new

I am a carer for my son, who has complex needs.

I also have to care for my Asperger’s husband who is quite able, well he can go to work, but forgot the rest. That is all he seems capable of, I do everything else for him.

I have tried and tried to get him to do things but he can’t be bothered, everything is on my shoulders and no one cares, actually no one at all. Apparently it is all my fault.

I don’t want a social worker, but just some friends. Someone who understands what I am going through. We need counselling but we have to pay for it. We struggle on one wage and he doesn’t earn enough. I can never afford to go out, I have no social life. We can’t afford holidays, clothes or anything. He doesn’t care about going out. He once told me to get a life, but I have no money, and beside he sabotaged my social life and didn’t like me to be happy. He likes women who are fun and lively, like the one at work, but I am not allowed to be happy, he doesn’t like it, but other women can be happy, but not me, he hates me being happy.

I feel so lonely

Concerned hear your predicament. Wondering if you need fast-track that counselling, if possible?

Aspergers isn’t a disease or an illness in that it cannot be recovered from. It is away of being. Some people manage to cope with theirs in the world better than others.
I don’t think anyone would criticise someone who finds they cannot live happily with someone who struggles to be empathetic, sympathetic and understanding in the relationship
Many marriages of non Aspergers couples break up for similar or less reasons. Many marriages break up because one of the two is overcontrolling.

You really need to think if you can continue in this relationship for the rest of your life.
Why should you be so unhappy? It’s not your fault he has Aspergers.

“He likes women who are fun and lively, like the one at work, but I am not allowed to be happy, he doesn’t like it, but other women can be happy, but not me, he hates me being happy.”

It seems you don’t want to be with him, and possibly with very good reason. Do you have people who would help you if you were to separate?

I do want to be with him, I love him, I hear everyone say, I should leave him. It makes me sad that is all the answers I get. My husband is very very good looking, he gets a lot of attention from women, he likes it and uses them to make me work harder on him. He loves special treatment from me but never returns it. As these women throw themselves at him, he doesn’t have to do anything to get the attention, therefore he thinks I should act the same, and expect nothing in return. When I am busy with running the household and looking after our 3 children, he starts flirting with the girl at work to make me give him attention all the time. The girl at work thinks he fancies her, but he is using her to get at me. He is emotionally immature, due to the Aspergers.

In my experience of Aspergers I personally have never come across anyone skilled enough in the social side to be duplicitous in the way you describe. The Aspies I know need and give honesty. Deceit is not in their make up.

I am just so concerned that you are obviously so unhappy and, if it is driven by Aspergers, that his behaviour is very very unlikely to change. The only things you can change is either your actions or your reactions.


Hello,Oh how very sad.I can relate to what your going through,as my older half brother we think has exactly the same issues.He lives alone in London,& has no social skills at all.Meanwhile I live in Surrey & my hubby is very poorly.with terminal cancer.My half brother went out to Zimbabwe back in March & was due back to London,but if I call him he bites my head off as we simply don’t get on.Hes not married.Has no children & doesn’t work.But I think you need to seek help,as your Doctor. There are people who you can talk too.Good luck,if you need to talk,please message me Regards Amandah