Hi everyone just joined the forum. I’m in my 50s and live and care for my mum who is 86 and has Alzheimer’s she was diagnosed about 6 years ago I also work at 5 days a week. Things are tough an emotional rollercoaster oh and forgot to mention I’m struggling with the menopause which I’m hoping to get help from the GP next week with. Hardest thing for me is asking for help I don’t have the emotional energy to do it but I’m trying to work on that. Happy to have joined here little steps day by day for me. :slight_smile: :slight_smile:

Hi Peggy,
welcome to the forum. You are juggling a lot (caring, working & menopause!) I know what you mean about being so bogged down in everyday survival that you have no emotional energy left to make changes/improvements.

It sounds like creating some breathing space is needed; whether that’s taking some time off but not spending the extra time with your Mum or reducing your days/hours or taking the plunge and getting a Needs assessment for your Mum and a Carer’s assessment for you.


Hi Peggy,

Wishing you a warm welcome to the forum!

It shows courage and strength to ask for help. Here at Carers UK we want you to know that you’re not alone, we are sure that many on here will understand exactly how you feel and offer support. Caring can be very lonely and the pandemic has made caring responsibilities challenging as many carers have been socially restricted and unable to attend social groups etc.

Carers UK are running online weekly meet ups for carers to take some time for themselves and chat to other carers. Feel free to join if you’d like to and there’s no pressure to share anything you don’t want to.

You can find information on how to register to our online meetups at the following pages:

Care for a Cuppa: Online meetups | Carers UK - the next online meet up is Tuesday 4th May. This social is a great way to have a little break if you are able to and spend some quality time talking to people who understand what yoou are going through right now.

Share and Learn: Share and Learn | Carers UK - these sessions range from creative writing activities to beginners Latin dance sessions.

Our Telephone Helpline is available on 0808 808 7777 from Monday to Friday, 9am – 6pm or you can contact us by email (

They also provide information and guidance to unpaid carers. This covers a range of subjects including:

Benefits and financial support
Your rights as a carer in the workplace
Carers’ assessments and how to get support in your caring role
Services available to carers and the people you care for
How to complain effectively and challenge decisions.

Best wishes,


The more help you get, the longer mum can stay in her home, and you can stay well.
However, you must accept that mum may end up in residential care, needing more help than one person can give.

YOU are in charge, it’s not what mum wants or will accept, but your choice when you do and don’t care.

Peggy, would it be possible for you to reduce your hours?
Is mum claiming Attendance Allowance?
Exemption from Council Tax?
Does she have any carers when you are at work?
Does mum have over £23,000 in savings? This is the maximum savings allowed for Social Services subsidise care?

What would help you most at the moment?