New unexpected diagnosis

Hi i am a carer for my mother who has many illnesses at the age of 82, COPD, Dementia, AF, High blood pressure, deafness, the list goes on and on.

I have been under the weather and had an iron infusion about 4 months ago, and also had a CT scan from neck to pelvis, they found I have emphysema, I did wonder as I had been to my old GP about a cough I have and also I cough going upstairs he said nothing wrong at that time. But now been told by the scan they know I have emphysema. No wonder I struggle and my energy is low.

Now have to make appointment at new GP surgery not sure how that will work, or what to expect. I am always so busy running after my mother. My sister is useless always telling officials she is fighting cancer, when in-fact she is just over 5 years recovery. She always says she lives too far away to help.

Time to talk to your GP about whether you must give up caring for mum!

Do you live with her?

No my mum lives about 20 miles from me, its a nightmare as her electronic tablet machine keeps going wrong and i have to keep going there, she has been with us for 3 days and is going home tomorrow after i have taken her shopping and to the hospital for a brain MRI. I have told her I have another illness but she forgets.

That just indicates further that there is a need to sort out her long term care now.
Who else is providing regular care for her? Social Services???

Yes social services, but she thinks its a waste of time and she refuses everything. They were emailing me and calling me but i had my own problems last week including that new diagnosis and they have been complaining about me to my sister, my sister only works from a computer not a job she is at home now, she doesn’t do much else, unless i corner her. I am now in the vulnerable part of the population and she is not. Always saying she has appointments etc. so cannot visit or do appointments for our mother. She has seen mum 2 times since last Christmas.

What type of help would be the most useful.

Getting her shopping, collecting her medications, cleaning her flat, taking her to hospital appointments. The GP continually keep messing up her prescriptions and i keep having to return to the chemist. We now have a batch of unsigned prescriptions and the surgery is not answering us or the pharmacist. Returning to her flat when the pill dispenser goes wrong and that has happened as many as 3 times in a week. Its all very draining, and then you hear that she has told people she has not seen me in months. Makes me sad.

It’s a harsh reality but if Mum wont engage. She needs to understand you are not able to provide everything for her. In order to met her needs. If she will not work with Social Services alternative accommodation is required. Which will get much harder as Mum ages and further health problems. Do you think such a conversation would be in anyway useful. Or make thing more difficult in the long term. Also you need to stop rushing to her aid.

Prescriptions try to talk with the G.P. practice manager.

GP is awful, accused my mother of attention seeking, no chance of anything from her whatsoever. Mum does not remember anything you tell her, I told her this morning she was going for a scan, off we set, did food shop on way, arrived at hospital, “why are we here” she said. They were very kind and nice allowed me to take her to the department and called me when done, problem is it didn’t happen she said she didn’t like the loud noises, but she is deaf! wears two hearing aids. I cannot go on I am exhausted.

How can I speak to an Admiral Nurse?

Call our Admiral Nurse Dementia Helpline on 0800 888 6678 from 9am to 9pm Monday to Friday, and from 9am to 5pm during the weekend. Or send an email to or fill in the form.

There may be an Admiral Nurse in your area. Check our map to see all of our services

thank you for that information

When I first heard about Admiral Nurses I thought ‘fantastic’. We didn’t have any in our area then. Eventually we got one but when I saw the piece in the local paper that one was appointed I was shocked as I knew her from slimming group and she had been out to my Mum’s previous care home. She seemed to have little understanding of dementia and kept saying how marvellous Mum’s home was and was more interested in how clean it was than what I was telling her about them being bossy, uninterested and fed the residents the tiniest meals you ever saw. She just kept saying “but it’s so clean and smells lovely.” Not long after that she was appointed as an Admiral Nurse and I couldn’t believe it. I never got in touch again.

I’m sad to read that as the admiral nurse I spoke with when hubby was diagnosed was very helpful. I wasn’t keen on group meetings, but only because I took on everyone else’s pain, and I was heartbroken enough!