New to the group

Hi Everyone

My Mum has been disabled for 24 years following a brain hemorrhage/ strokes and cancer, my Dad cared for my Mum until he passed away in November 2019 - I have been caring for my Mum since! I am 41, work full-time and live with my husband and 2 boys - although the eldest is away at University.

I have really struggled to juggle the demands of caring, working, managing my own home, my Mum’s home and everything else that comes with caring for someone. My Mum has various support needs including learning difficulties, so the caring load is quite high and a lot of the time I feel like i’m failing to do a good ‘job’ in any aspect of my life.

My Mum is currently in hospital as she has been really struggling with grief, depression and anxiety - not been helped with lockdown and high level restrictions which have been in place where we live for such a long time! I am hoping that as part of her discharge plan she will be agreeable to implement a care package for carers to go in each morning and lunchtime in addition to her PA support, which currently is only 5 hours a week to provide some company.

I currently spend 3 evenings and the weekend with my Mum as well as managing her affairs, I do have a Brother and Sister (i’m the youngest) who don’t do anything to support me or Mum and I have asked! I’m just wondering if anyone else has experienced this and managed to share the load more with siblings?



Hi & welcome Michelle

You have a lot on your plate.

We can’t really force or expect help from siblings if they don’t really what to contribute. It’s better to have people who are at least interested in providing care. And if family members don’t wish to be involved that their prerogative. No one can be forced to care for another person.

You need to reduce you input and off load to paid carers. Maybe it’s a good time to re invalidate the current situation. You say Mum has learning difficulties. There are care homes/ supported living schemes. That provide care packages to people with learning disabilities.

Social Services will be reluctant to add more hours(although initially they will add a few extra hours that maybe withdrawn later). If you continue to provide much of the care yourself. You need to consider withdrawing the hours you provide and talk with a social worker. Of a long term plan working towards in ceased care hours. Mum moving to a setting that can met all her needs. Do you think Mum’s needs will become higher. What age is Mum?

Dear Michelle
Welcome To The Forum!
You are not alone, we are sure that many on here will understand exactly how you feel and offer support. Caring can be very lonely and the pandemic has made caring responsibilities challenging as many carers have been socially restricted and unable to attend social groups etc.
Carers UK are running online weekly meet ups for carers and you can find the information on how to register at Care For A Cuppa-Online meetups | Carers UK. Share and Learn:Share and Learn | Carers UK.
Our Telephone Number is 0808 808 7777 from Monday to Friday, 9.00am-6.00pm.
Our Email Address is (
They provide information and guidance to unpaid carers. This covers:-
-Benefits And Financial Support
-Your Rights As A Carer In The Workplace
-Carers Assessments And How To Get Support In Your Caring Role
-Services Available To Carers And The People You Care For
-How To Complain Effectively And Challenge Decisions
Best Wishes

Dear Michelle_210512
Hi. I hope you are okay and I am writing to you today to leave you a follow up message to see how you are getting on after my initial message that I left you a few weeks ago. I hope the information and advice I gave you was beneficial and helpful. Please let me know how you are getting on.
Best wishes