New to site

I have to be honest and say at the start that I joined the site back in January, but it has taken till now to put something together, and even now I am very unsure as to what I expect…

I am my wife’s carer and have been doing this full time since October 2019, although many of the tasks have been my remit since about 1998, and some before that. She has various problems to do with her lower limbs and balance and has hydrocephalus.

I have to admit that many of my difficulties with being a carer stem from a breakdown of physical relationship and what is percieved from my part as her reluctance to adapt to the situation.

At times the whole situation leads me to my go-to saying “I’m fed up of being Parker, I want to be John, Virgil or Gordon.”

Hi John, welcome to the site!

My initial reaction was that John isn’t a good choice out of the three options you put forward as he spent 6 months of the year in orbit, with no company. I’ve now aged myself as effectively as if I’d said “I was born on…”!!

I sort of get where you’re coming from. My wife had an incomplete spinal cord injury almost 8 years ago, which affected her in terms of any part of her anatomy lying below the injury, which is about halfway up her spine. It took a good while for her to be able to cope with intimacy, but she persevered with it and we found ways for us both to enjoy sex still. More recently, I’m having difficulties due to a combination of diabetes and blood pressure medications. Life can be frustrating, but we do what we can. But fear - even pain - can cause people to avoid or lose interest in intimacy, and there’s no hard and fast rule that says trying one method or another will help. It’s even possible that the hydrocephalus pressures might reduce libido, too, as there have been studies around this (in men). One study I’ve found recommends shunt placement to assist with both walking and balance, and also for “restoration of sexual activity.”

It’s an area I know nothing about other than what I’ve looked up today, but maybe it’s something to discuss with your wife and then with her GP or Hydrocephalus specialist?