Missing sex...!

My wife has terminal cancer and for 9 years now. The cancer has progressed slowly and my wife becoming more incapacitated as time moves on. I care for her, I love her very much but
I do miss the intimacies we once shared,
I’m having problems with thoughts and my carnal needs, I wonder how people cope in a similar situation.
I’ve read messages on the site regarding the same but not how they overcome this!
I would love to feel the touch and passion of a woman again, how do you seek this and if you do how does effect you mentally and the relationship between you and your partner?
Has anyone ??

Would like to meet similar locally(Wokingham), is this being naive?

Hi Colin

I’ve thought long and hard about this. I’ve met a number of carers, male and female, who have talked about this issue, and faced it myself to some extent. I think it’s one of those things that people will be open about the problems, but unwilling to talk about what they do about it. Some things are probably that bit too personal to share publicly.

A lot depends on your own personality and your own “code,” for want of a better word. I don’t think any of us can advise you because ultimately it’s a personal decision, and there’s someone else involved in that decision. Your wife. She may well be very frustrated too. She’s probably the person you need to talk to about this.

Hi Colin.

I am aware that your post was twelve months ago and now things have probably changed for you.

My partner has, for years had problems and we have not ‘been intimate’ (the polite phrase so I dont offend anyone) since 1999 - he will quote the date if you ask!! He is frustrated but says he is a very Sensual person - a sentiment with which I can agree.

Everyone’s wants and needs are different, but I have read and heard of sex therapists who suggest trying gentle physical contact - NOT intimate contact - so you are touching and massaging each other - I appreciate that some of this may not be possible for your wife - and in that way you have close physical contact.

We spend time tickling or scratching each others shoulders and backs and it is amazingly relaxing - indeed G says he knows where my OFF switch is and can put me to sleep very easily, but that means I am so totally relaxed and content - without… erm… the other contact!

On a serious note, in the end only you can decide what is right for you - experiment and see what is comfortable for you. Clearly you love her or you would not have spent time caring for her.

I do hope you can find a way through for you

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