New person, ahoy

New to Carers Connect
1

Hi

I’m a newbie, hello all :slight_smile:

By way of introduction I am a carer for my partner who has Parkinson’s and my mother who is 93 (sharp as a tac, but as my niece puts it bat shit crazy!) Both take me totally for granted, but I’m sure that’s nothing new for carers here. Renovating a large and very broken down old house in the middle of nowhere, so isolation is both physical and mental. Time is a premium so excuse me if I drop in and out. The house is also physically and mentally demanding.

Many of you are in far worse situations than me but it doesn’t feel like that to me, my mountain is just as big as yours only different. I apologies if it may seem I have it much easier, some of the experience I read hear just make me want to cry.

I still hold out hope that one day I will be free.

2

Hi Hoops and welcome,

supporting two carees and doing up a house sounds very stressful to me. Are you and your partner living in and amongst the renovation project?

All though isolated spots mean no neighbour noise (utopia) it also means it’s much harder to get paid carers in place to assist with caring duties. Do your partner and Mum get any outside help to take some of the pressure of you?

Melly1

3

Hello, Hoops. It looks as though you actually joined last August but have now decided to make some contributions. That’s fine; it’s good to look around and see how the Forum works before you dip in yourself. I notice you have already replied to some other posts and revived one that is four years old, which I have read through with interest. Somewhere in there, someone compares the laborious (drudgery) side of caring with the companionship (quality time) side. A bit of general advice I can give is to try to have some quality time with your carees, and it seems to compensate for the laborious aspect.

Taking on a house renovation amidst all this is quite a challenge. A house in a remote spot brings its own problems. No public transport so everything needs to be fetched - by you. This is time on the week. I don’t envy you.

Do share with us, any time, any aspects of caring, positive or negative, which we could be interested to know about.

4

Dear Hoops
Welcome to the Forum!
You are not alone, we are sure that many on here will understand exactly how you feel and offer support. Caring can be very lonely and the pandemic has made caring responsibilities challenging as many carers have been socially restricted and unable to attend social groups etc.
Carers UK are running online weekly meet ups for carers and you can find the information on how to register at: Care For A Cuppa-Online meetups | Carers UK. Share and Learn: Share and Learn | Carers UK.
Our telephone number is 0808 808 7777 from Monday to Friday, 9am-6pm. Our email address is (advice@carersuk.org).
They provide information and guidance to unpaid carers. This covers:-
-Benefits And Financial Support
-Your Rights As A Carer In The Workplace
-Carers Assessments And How To Get Support In Your Caring Role
-Services Available To Carers And The People You Care For
-How To Complain Effectively And Challenge Decisions.
Best Wishes
Kristie

5

Hi

Melly1
Denis_1610
Kristie_2104

Thank you so much for your kind replies, how wonderful. Melly1 you sound in your description as if you have to cope with much more than me, so to take the time to send a considered, supportive reply is so kind.
Denis_1610, thank you for the positivity, Kristie_2104 thank you for the practical help, with links and alerting me to potential help.

Wow did I join in August, what a slow coach, well its because often times I dont have time to engage with forums and email etc.

The house is a trail but it has been worse, as we near the end there is still SO much to do and in a away thats worse, you can see the end but cant quite reach it.

I have to confess I feel a bit of a fake on here, I have a home, my partners Parkisons is manageable he does very well with the drugs and can still do a great deal for himself. I encourage him to do as much as he can, in a sense so he doesn’t lose the ability. An enteral optimist I keep telling him there is no doubt in my mind there will be a cure and he will be cured in a few years time. Thankfully I was backed up by his consultant concerning a cure in the future.

Mum is sharp as a tac but doesn’t live with us, she is a 3 hour drive away, for the first 2 years I went every fortnight for a week, now its more 3/4 weeks as my brother who lives in London makes sure she has shopping (however he doesnt clean, take care of personal hygiene, bills etc).

My difficulty is because of pride neither person will identify them selves as needing the level of care I provide or acknowledge me as a carer, so I can claim no state help. My mother in particular refuses carers even for the times I cant be there, because it has to be me! My partner doesn’t want to recognise himself as in a sense disabled, so here we are. I cannot work there simply isn’t anytime left in the day. When we move which I hope will be this year, to a finished house, I hope to go back to my attempt to start a business and employ myself, working around the needs of the people I care for. No need to drive 3 hours and lose a
whole week away and no need to physically work on the house should free up some time.

So bless you all for trying to help me and I hope when I have time I can contribute.

You are so right Kristie_2104 about trying to share quality time, it just gets tricky when you see time running away from you. Still I am not ungrateful for the fact my situation could be a lot worse.

Have a wonderful weekend and Im sending lots of Love xx

6

Hoops, can I ask how old you are?
How old is your partner?

If he has Parkinsons and cannot work as a result, he should be entitled to disability benefits.
IF he is under 65 he can claim PIP, both the Care and Mobility Component.
After about 65 he can’t get the Mobility Component, which would give him either a free car or a good sum every week.
My husband and I restored a New Forest cottage, without even a flush toilet, to a cosy family home. It WAS worth it eventually, but lots of work, especially as I was pregnant at the time!!!

7

Dear Hoops2021
I hope this message finds you well. I am writing to you to leave you a message to see whether you are still okay and to follow things up from the initial message. I hope the initial message I gave you has been beneficial and helpful for you. Please let me know how you are getting on.
Best Wishes
Kristie

8

Kirstie

Melly1

9

Dear Hoops
I am so glad to hear that you have benefited from the help that i have given to you it is a pleasure to do voluntary work with the Carers UK organisation and to help the carers themselves. I am so happy that you are grateful for the practical help i have given you.
How are things in your situation now? Do leave me a message to let me know how you are getting on within your caring role.
Best wishes
Kristie

10

Hi, I’m also new, I hope to find many people like me.

11

Hi Ruben,

Wishing you a warm welcome to the forum!

There are several online chats you can take part in. Its just a nice formal chat with other carers you can talk to over a nice cuppa. There is no pressure though. If you are interested you can find more info and register via this link:
https://www.carersuk.org/help-and-advice/get-support/online-meetups


Best Wishes,

Lucy.