In reply to … Any tips for wellbeing…
For you, this is certainly a heartbreaking and traumatic situation to be in and it must be so hard to witness your daughter having to fight the crisis of mental health issues as she enters adulthood.
Facing the reality of this situation can be so traumatising because - as you’ve already written, this is a form of disability or illness that is very cruel and well hidden.
To the outside world, many people don’t see and appreciate that something is wrong and (as always) those afflicted just don’t receive the help they need.
Perhaps there’s a brief assessment after a visit to a healthcare professional like a doctor or practice nurse, or a prescription for some anti-depressants.
Maybe a stay in a mental health clinic for those with deeper problems such as dealing with the need to end their own life or hurt themselves so badly because it’s the only form of release from their turmoil and pain.
The chances are, you already know this from hard experience and words can’t describe the inner, emotional battles someone in your daughter’s situation will be going through.
As you may already be aware, whatever help is on offer and however hard the health professionals involved in caring for those affected…
There aren’t adequate provisions for people experiencing the pain your daughter is going through right now.
To make matters even harder, further pain is brought upon close family members (such as parents like yourself) because they need to handle the full emotional experiences of their loved one.
Their child’s battle becomes the parent’s as they fight to negotiate around the complex system of trying to seek the help they need.
It seems that you are in a heartbreaking situation, with not just having to witness your daughter deal with the ongoing fight with her mental health but also you having to give up your own career to care for her.
From what you have written, there seems to be very little in the way of practical help and guidance and this is what your daughter needs.
On a positive note, you are receiving some financial help from the government, yet this doesn’t at all compensate for both the pain and loss you are both currently suffering.
Understandably, you’re experiencing pain and guilt because you genuinely feel the need to be there for your daughter, especially as she’s attempted to end her own life several times previously.
As a parent in a very challenging, distressing and heartbreaking situation that many people can’t appreciate, it can only be expected for you to feel very isolated and alone.
You must be completely on tenderhooks as to leaving the house and her alone because there’s that feeling inside all the time of what you’re going to be coming home to.
There’s somebody you love and care for being tormented by the cruel affliction of mental health struggles and your daughter’s situation is now a massive part of your own life.
It’s frustrating that there just doesn’t seem to be enough help available for anyone suffering with mental health illness/issues and this is proved over and over again with so many people attempting to end their life.
You’ve not written about any help your daughter has received from health professionals but it’s very likely to be the usual quota of ‘limited time and resources’ being provided.
It’s very sad but there’s only so much anyone can do to help and this is now falling upon your weary shoulders to try and help the best you can whilst having to experience your daughter’s suffering in silence.
Another aspect of your dilemma with regard to taking care of yourself is the issue of leaving your daughter alone for even a short length of time.
Taking a walk or going out for a coffee can seem a great idea to relax and de-stress…Yet there’s the worry of leaving your daughter on her own.
Therefore you are restricted as to where and what you can do so attending any form of online/virtual social events (as already mentioned on here) will be a great source of comfort.
With regard to the longer term…There can only be a way forward if your daughter is willing to accept help and commit to some counselling.
It’s not just about your daughter but it is you who could end up suffering more as a result of all the worry surrounding her.
You are in a very difficult dilemma as mentioned before, you can’t just leave the house and go for a coffee after some shopping because of all the worrying it causes you.
Depending on your financial circumstances and/or what other financial help you can get, it may be worth encouraging your daughter to seek further counselling that can cater specifically for her needs.
It seems that whatever help she may have had in the past isn’t giving her the resolve she needs to move forward.
Both of you could go out together if possible, though (understandably) your daughter may experience some anxiety due to being at home all the time.
Perhaps going for a walk together could be encouraged, even just a little every day might help you both get out of the house and build some confidence for your daughter.
Even just going out for a coffee or something may be of help to you both.
Another sad part of this heartbreaking situation is that you’ve had to quit your job/career which means you’re having to put aside your own life.
It seems the only way to move forward will be for your daughter to undergo some further, focused counselling and work towards some personal goals in life.
For the time being, you can attend virtual events like those here or research into other opportunities for online social engagement.
There’s bound to be feelings of guilt when acknowledging the sadness at the thought of having to give up your own life…
What pain your daughter is going through is something people may be totally unaware of.
You may be looking at someone you love and care for being at home and quietly suffering, yet asking yourself constantly over and over…What can I do to help?
There just never seems to be an answer…This leads on to further feelings of guilt, depression and wondering what to do or where it will all lead to.
Adding even more to your own struggles, there can be deep guilt over wanting to think about yourself and the important issue of self-care.
Yet people don’t recognise that you are suffering perhaps just as much due to the worry and emotional strain.
Even to make matters worse, there’s the isolation due to people not understanding what you are going through and at the same time, not wanting to get involved in your complex troubles.
This can result in the often experienced scenario that afflicts anyone with demanding care responsibilities - and that is the gradual fading away of family and friends wanting to pay a visit or invite you out.
Understandably. You may be feeling very much alone at this point in your life journey.
It’s more than understandable to be feeling guilty, emotionally drained yet at the same experiencing some feelings of frustration and even anger because it all goes back to not knowing what to do and how to get the help you seriously both need.
It’s just so unfortunate there’s no straight forward answer to your very difficult and distressing situation, which means the only way forward is to encourage your daughter to seek help.
Paul…
static feedback or rather strong resonance!
