I’m new here.
My mother moved into a separate area in our house last year, having ‘rescued her’ from my brother and his awful house while she was ill during 1st lockdown.
This is the second time I have rescued her from other brother having made her homeless recouping his assts from her flat.
We made her comfortable and asked her for only £100 to monthly bills.
Previously she ‘gave away’ and huge chunck of her money to the first brother - he is now ‘looking after it’ and won’t return it.
Since being with us, she has now ‘given’ another chunk to second brother ‘to invest for grandkids’. he will not formalise arrangement or return money either.
She has almost nothing left. Whta was left was for her care and would have been left to me, though I am trying not to care about the money - I do care about the hurt/naivity/being taken for granted.
I am LPA for finance and health.
At the moment I’m not sure I want her to stay. I am now charging her the going rate for her area of the house.
Do I charge for moths she hasn’t paid before?
Am I obliged to keep her here in comfort when she makes decsions that make my life so difficult as LPA and cause toxic friction with brothers?
Writing this - I sound like a doormat. I’m just trying to ‘do the right thing’ and everyine keeps saying ‘think how you will feel after she’s dead’.
My childhood was damaged because of her poor decisions. How long do I keep allowing her and my brothers to affect my life and that of my family.
If you have LPA, then start using it, immediately.
Is mum elderly mentally infirm?
Block mum from having any access to her money, apart from £25 pocket money.
Have her benefits paid into a new account, in your name, but solely for her money. As you have POA this should be very easy to arrange.
What evidence do you have of mum giving money to your brothers?
Quite honestly, you don’t have to care for mum at all. EVER.
Why not tell the brother with the money that you will be taking mum to live with him, and see what happens?!?!
Do you feel your Mother has been manipulated/ coercing in to parting with her money.
If you do that is a safe guarding issue. The fact you have LPA suggests this was for a reason.
This could be someone stealing money or other valuables from you. Or it might be that someone appointed to look after your money on your behalf is using it inappropriately or coercing you to spend it in a way you’re not happy with.
How were you alerted to it.
If you suspect financial abuse of an elderly person you should report it as soon as possible. … If you are not sure about what to do, you can call helplines such as Action on Elder Abuse (0808 808 8141) and Age UK (0800 678 1174)
Thanks for your replies.
Mum was definitly coreced into parting with the money to my brother. He drove her to the buidling sociey and waited outside for her! He sida he would invest the money for the grandkids and since told her she won;t get any of it back.
My other brother is ‘looking after’ a large chunk of her money and won’t return it.
She wants a quite life and wants to drop all the efforts I am making to get the money back bacsue of course they are giving her grief about it.
Can I really manage her money as you suggest as a POA and just give her pocket money?
I have managed to secure the rest of her money, but she is left with £5k.
Not to be horrid but that’s just enough to bury her with!!!
Further, my eldest brother is in Germany.
My middle brother is on the South Coast.
I can’t just cart her off. Despite being angry wit her (naive decisions and stubborn attitude that ‘they will give it back if I need it…’) I can’t do something I will live to regret. I don;t think!!
I think I have to apply through my local authority for housing for the vulnerable.
Yes, the whole point of POA is acting for her, to protect her best interests. Make sure the bank has a copy. Then legally, you are your mum. You sign her cheque books with your name. Change the address for all bank correspondence to come to you. Then ask for statements covering the brothers getting money. Did the cashier properly consider whether mum was being “persuaded” to take it out? Even my bank does that to me now!!!