New here but not to caring!

Hi all I’ve been caring for my mum since I was 14 I’m 38 now. Don’t get me wrong I’ve had times where I haven been full on but I’ve always been in the background.
So for the last 5 years I’ve been 100% with the help of some amazing carers. My mum has now been put under the palliative care team so we know time is limited.
Once she has passed who will I be? How do you find out who you are?


Once she has passed who will I be ? How do you find out who you are ?

Regrettably , a case of trial and error … when one gets banished to the outside world.

The face that stares back at you from the mirror … always the odds on favourite to answer that question.

That age old prisoner analogy of mine … when the time comes , there’s no parole officer out there , a definite case or sinking or swimming.

Plenty of threads in the FORMER CARERS sections … escapees with stories to tell.

( A general guide from me : : composed for experiences you will encounter in daily survival
… definitely not of the text book variety ! )

As for that outside world , any areas we can help with ?

( Carers Allowance … 8 weeks grace before an introduction to the Inquisitors of 2019 … the DWP … at one of their hotels ( Job Centre ) … and a
crash course in that minefield known as Universal Credit ( ? ) awaits … ? )

Benefits / housing etc. … just name it.

Any problems with your current situation beyond the obvious ?

( 2,399 days from joining to posting … almost a top ten entry ? )

Hi Leanne,
Welcome to posting on the forum.

If your username is actually your full name, I’d recommend changing it or at least losing your surname, to protect your identity and your Mum’s confidentiality.

When a caree dies, the carer is dealing not only with grief but also coming to terms with a total change of lifestyle. There are many threads, as Chris says, on the forum from past Carers. I!m sure some of them will be along to offer advice. In the meantime, value this time with your Mum.

There is information here about when caring ends


Welcome to the forum.
My husband died at the age of 58, I was 54. We worked and played together, I’d married at 19, so had never even lived alone before.
I bought a book called “Starting Again” by Sarah Litvinoff, primarily designed for divorcees, but so much relevant to anyone facing a life change.
Discovering the “new” you can be fun and scary at the same time.
I’d suggest that you start by making a list of everything you’ve ever wanted to do or to learn. (For me that included going to a live show, learning how to put in a concealed zip, and going to the Med on holiday) I also have regular beauticians visits and keep my hair it’s natural colour, but at 68 it comes out of a bottle!

However, between now and then there is a lot of heartache to come too.
Can I suggest you consider having some counselling to help you? I found it very helpful when my own mum was dying.
However, the most important question I must ask is who owns the house where you are living?


When a relationship finishes it can feel like the end of the world - but it is also a new beginning.

In Starting Again, Sarah Litvinoff looks at the lessons that can be learnt from a relationship that has ended and helps you to deal with your feelings of separation, grief and recovery.

Through self-assessment questionnaires, tasks and discussion points you will reach a greater understanding of yourself and your relationships and be able to start looking to a positive future.

This book will help you to come to terms with your divorce, separation or break up and assess what went wrong, become aware of and break patterns you have unconsciously repeated, enabling you to move on, meet new people and build a fresh social life.