Hi im new to the forum i am really struggling i am looking after my 84 year old uncle who has terminal esophageal cancer. He is really deteriorating now and can no longer wash or dress himself but refuses to have carers. He has multiple falls we have district nurses involved who call every two weeks . Everytime they come it always seems to be on a good day same as when the pallative nurse visits. They look at me like im crazy when i tell them hes not coping as he lies and tells them he is. I work 35 hours a week and the strain is really getting to me. He is now incontinent so i am having to do multiple washers as well. I have been home around an hour and had eight calls from him. He has started swearing at me and throwing things around . I have been in touch with social services and been told he will get an urgent needs assessment but nothing yet that was two weeks ago. My home life with my husband is suffering i am also waiting for an hip replacement so not in great health. He told the housebound team from the GP last week he thought about ending it all. Outcome of that has a review in two weeks. I feel like no one is listening or willing to help me i just dont know where to turn
We are listening. Insist the GP does a FAST TRACK NHS CONTINUING HEALTHCARE ASSESSMENT. Help should be provided within 48 hours either at home or in residential care. What he NEEDS is what you have to focus on. He cannot refuse all help and treat you like a slave!
Now a horrible but necessary suggestion. Google “Signs of Dying”. It will help you understand more. Is there a local hospice? If so, talk to them.
Then the worst of all. Who is going to make the funeral anrrangements etc. This needs to be considered urgently, which firm to use, how much it will cost and who will pay. If he has any money, the bill can go to his bank who will pay immediately.
My husband died suddenly and I had to make arrangements in floods of tears. To be avoided if at all possible.
Incidentally, if he is expected to live under 6 months (I think) he should be entitled to fast track benefits.
Feel free to ask us anything you need to know.