New and furious

Hello all

My husband has a rare and aggressive brain tumour - he was given 12 months to live four years ago. Two brain surgeries, radio and multiple rounds of chemo later, he’s now drinking himself into oblivion. A local alcohol charity recently told him not to worry about his drinking as he’s terminal. This week we had to have two ambulances because he was so drunk he smashed his head open and paramedics thought he’d damaged his spine. Last time I called an ambulance, a month ago, it was because I thought he’d had a brain haemorrhage, days later he admitted he was just very drunk.

He’s told his parents that the most recent hospitilisation was because he and I were celebrating - not the case - and now they blame me for his drinking. I was already the sole bread winner, and then I lost my career because of my caring responsibilities. I’m in my late thirties and am likely to lose my house in the new year too. I have tried to shock him out of it but his response is simply that the only thing which will stop him drinking is death. Because he only drinks and watches TV he staggers round the house even when sober because his muscles have wasted away. He doesn’t lift a finger to help, just causes chaos, again, even when sober.

I am so incredibly angry with him. There is no cancer-related need for him to be in this condition. He doesn’t live, just survives, a conversation we’ve had time after time after time. The only thing the councillor says is he’ll need to hit rock bottom. If this isn’t it I don’t know what is.

Thanks for letting me get this off my chest.


Welcome to the forum.

I’m not surprised you are furious. The local alcohol charity were very irresponsible saying that - did you hear them say it or did your husband report that was what they said?

I don’t have any advice, but this organisation might be of help to you


Where is he getting the alcohol from? I assume he is buying it himself.? If he is buying the alcohol from a nearby local shop then try talking to the manager of the shop and tell him/ her the situation .

If he loves the booze more than you, why stay? It’s not just his life he’s ruining, it’s yours too!

Hello, Amanda. Sorry to hear of your problems. It seems he has given up on life.

You say you may become homeless soon. Is your house rented or owned, and if the latter, is there a mortgage on it? What type of work did you do before you gave it up to care? Does either of you have any savings?

Answers to this may give us a broader picture of your circumstances, and enable us to come up with ideas.

You need to leave. Why is his happiness and well-being more important than yours?

Who owns the house?