Needing a little encouragement

Hello, I am caring for my mother-in-law who has complex needs including diabetes, stroke and heart problems, and mild dementia. She lives with us in a converted room downstairs. A Carer comes in to help her wash and dress daily, and on weekends they come to give her the dinner I have prepared. I do her cooking, cleaning, manage medications etc, and advocate with medical professionals, social services etc, with help from my husband. We also have a child at primary school.
It is rare that I go more than a week without speaking with a medical professional on her behalf. This morning I have had to make yet another call to the GP about a potential new condition to add to all the others. I became quite upset because I am finding the thought of her needs increasing again hard to cope with. I’d really like to hear some words of encouragement from people in a similar situation. Many thanks.

When was you last carers assessment and mother in laws last assessment.

So many people end up in this position I’m afraid. Have you heard the expression “Sandwich Carer” stuck caring for the generation above and below you. I’ve been there, it’s incredibly difficult.

A range of options are available, depending on various things.

However, I’ll start by making your position clear. NO ONE can force you to care for MIL.
Ignore any words like “duty” they just don’t apply.
I had counselling to help me when torn between housebound mum and brain damaged son.
The counsellor helped me decide my priorities. My son came first, he could speak up for himself and relied on benefits.
Mum was financially secure and could speak up for herself.

How old is everyone in the household?
Does MIL have over £23,000 in savings (the cut off for help from the council as a rule).
Do you or your husband work?
Is MIL receiving Attendance Allowance?

The care she receives has come from the council and they also arranged for the room conversion, they have been really good. I am currently working on the attendance allowance form, it’s a bit of a monster. It’s not that I don’t want to care for her, but sometimes it can be a bit much of a juggling act with everything that’s going on.

Read through your post again. You are doing far too much.
I’m interested that the council converted the room in your house much cheaper for them than residential care, but it shows that she should have been receiving Attendance Allowance for years! Get the form finished and send it off asap, as you are missing out on so much money.
Did the council not say anything about claiming???

Please can you answer the questions I gave you, so that we can suggest how things can change for the better.

Hi Helen, welcome to the forum.

It sounds like you’ve got a lot on your plate and are in a position that many people struggle with. The current environment makes caring even more of a challenge!

It’s important to take care of your own well being at this time. We are running series of ‘Care for a cuppa’ which is a chance to meet other carers online and share experiences and tips and just generally support each other. If you’d like to join us the link to sign up is here -

Best wishes