Nearly 2 weeks ago my partner (31) was sectioned and is currently in a mental health facility for 28 day assessment.
For over a year we have been back and forth to his GP to try and get him help. Every time he was fobbed off (for lack of a better term) to the point where he couldnt cope, was overwhelmed and walked himself into the sea.
As it is early days of assessment he has not been diagnosed as yet.
My main issues at the moment are that his mum is very much the victim. She is the person most affected by “the selfish b*stard” (her words not mine) As his mother she knows him best but she was unaware of his struggles despite me telling her what was going on. What do i know, Ive only lived with him for nearly 3 years.
The 2nd is the up and down of our relationship. It feels so selfish to say but sometimes i am absolutely heartbroken after a visit as it feels like he is pushing me away / out. He will tell me that i am not doing enough to ease his paranoia about where i am or who i am with. He has been cheated on in the past and although he knows deep down that I am not someone who would do that its at the front of his mind currently. Yet other visits i leave so happy because we have had a good chat and even a little laughing.
Basically i feel a bit all over the place as it feels like a constant battle with his mother and his trust.
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Hi @Carlylr and welcome aboard!
Tbh it sounds as though his mum really isn’t helping. She may know her little boy best, but you know him best as he is now. How do you both get on normally?
I’d suggest that right now her issues are her own and that you should probably do your best to ignore them, or to say that your concern right now is to get your partner well. If she can’t be positive and supportive about that, there’s little point in contact with her right now. You need all your strength for your partner and for you. Especially for you.
As to the rest, it won’t be easy and I can’t really advise on it, other than to say show him that you’re there for him. As he improves, he’ll realise it more.
Do have a look on Roll Call Roll Call July 2025 - Social area / Members’ corner - Carers Connect - The Carers UK online community
That’s where we all “meet up” for a sort of “chat over the garden wall.” We share our daily news, trials, stresses and allsorts. Even a few jokes…it doesn’t make things better, but it helps us through the rough days, and there’s a lot of experience and great advice among us!
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Maybe his mother’s attitude during his upbringing has caused the anguish that caused his current state?
I had counselling long ago, for very different reasons. I was widowed and we had always reached joint decisions over everything, and I desperately missed being able to discuss things.
My counsellor was lovely, very supportive, not telling me what to do but helped me work out what was right for me.
You are now a carer, so contact Social Services and ask them to fund private counselling for you. A course of 6 free sessions after a long wait isn’t appropriate.
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@Carlylr this is really hard for you and you have to be realistic, it will be a lifetime of mental health issues. With the right medication you can live a better life, but his Mum is clearly not helping. I can only counsel from my life with a partner with mental health issues, it can consume your life. You have to be honest with yourself in thinking of the lifetime of a roller coaster relationship.
Sending hugs, here is a place to get support, to vent your anger, and his mum and him, and to share feelings
Hugs
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Hi my husband was sectioned for a month this time last year. I didnt know what was happening and assumed once he c was in bed the system there would be sort in n place. How wrong I was! Hes in the middle of another bad patch now so they are having to do the things they should have done a year ago. I would say first of all, ignore his mother. You are the one having to deal with him. If she wants to deal with him she can. Stop engaging with people who are making your life worse. Secondly if I had my time again I’d go to the cmht meetings and ask them about meds and therapies and make sure they put things in place for after the section is over because otherwise they are very quick to discharge and leave you to it. Good luck. I’m new here as I’m back in the situation and didn’t see myself as a carer but now I only see myself as a carer not a wife.
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